Life hurts. I hurt. My heart aches and not always sure why??
We are in the fall season and the leaves are changing colours, which in reality means.... the leaf is dying.
The leaf falls. It lets go.
Of course, nature is taking it's yearly cycle. The course the seasons are destined to take.
But something else...
It lets go for something more.... rest. A hunkering down.
They've had their season of growth, of bearing fruit, offering shade and now... ??
The tree will need a time of rest. A rest to rejuvenate. To refuel for another spring season that will come.
The tree is letting go of its leaves.
I, too, face times and seasons of hardship, failing body, agonizing questions and I feel like I'm losing identity, "leaves".
I tend to resist, wanting life to stay somewhat the same. Well, not really... but I sure don't want it to be the hard stuff that changes me ...
But the question comes.... What is being cut off, what do I need to let go??
Do I need to let my image go?
Maybe it's my need for validation?
Or even the want of summer, to be productive?
What about getting older and the body physically failing?
But it hurts to let go...
Why do I need to let go??
We let go, for something more....
We let go because sometimes how I've done life and made it to work needs to change and in all reality that change will be beautiful.
We let go to rest and in that rest, to find God.
For it's in the unseen replenishing of the roots that the tree continues to grow upward and give fruit and shade, year after year.
So, it's in the unseen moments with God that we replenish our system and find life.
The growth of our root system happens in the hard things, the winters of life.
But we must let go.
And it's in the letting go where the struggle is.
For we struggle to see Him when all is dark and foggy.
We wrestle to know He still has our good in mind when the path we're walking seems completely otherwise.
The battle to sense His Presence in the middle of pain, is very real.
How do we find God in the hard things that call us to let go of our image, our control or whatever it may be??
We may find ourselves in a situation like Jacob and we wrestle until we 'see' Him.
Or maybe, its claiming the verses in Scripture that speak of His Presence and promises.
Or maybe,like me, these past months have felt more like a fog and I cannot see the way. In a tunnel that's dark and I'm not sure of anything, even the Presence of God and who I am in Him. So, I choose to stay on the train.
I was reminded of someone traveling on a train and when that train goes through the tunnel and all is dark, he doesn't ask to jump off, but trusts the engineer to guide the train through the tunnel and out the other end.
Jesus, is our Engineer. He is the One navigating our lives and when things get hard and dark, don't jump off, but choose to trust Him to navigate you through.
Maybe your marriage is falling apart and you've done so much and your heart aches for more connectedness...
You may have lost your job or are in a job that is stressful or not quite the right fit for you...
A friendship may have gone sour and hurt and rejection pierced your heart...
Questions may pound your mind and heart and they remain unanswered or unmet...
Or you may even be longing for someone to SEE your situation and walk with you, and there's no one...
Where is Jesus in the midst of all of this?
He's there. Navigating your train of life.
He's calling you to nestle down and search to see Him. Wrestle to know Him deeper. Rest.
Rest in Him and His promises.
Search to see what needs to be let go of, what you've been holding on to.
I'm going to be honest and tell you, that I have wrestled much and cried out to God, only to feel silence and that my questions/longings were also met with silence and something different than what I desiring. And in my head I realize that God is good and that what He chooses to do is the best; but my heart wasn't following. My heart wrestled, agonized, and even was cynical at times as I walked through life.
So, a question that I asked myself is, what do I need to let go so I can see Jesus?
I didn't want to be a Pharisee or religious leader or like many of the Jews who walked this earth when Jesus did and miss Him. They couldn't see Him because He didn't fit the way they thought a King or Saviour should be and do.
Jesus wasn't fitting the picture I was painting...
He wasn't writing my story that way I was wanting it to be written...
And so, when Jesus doesn't do what we want Him to do, will we hang on to what we want or will we let go?
Will we let go so we can find God ? That we may see Him and taste that He is good?
Go ahead, ask Jesus that question.... What do I need to let go so I can see Jesus?
Will I let go for something more?
(😉 spring does come again...)
The light at the other end of the tunnel is starting to pierce the darkness. There is hope. There is light.
Will you let go for something more?