Learning To 'Not Fix', Instead Leaning on The Saviour Frees Us to Love

Something I've been pondering is - why do I want to fix situations, people, etc? Why is it so easy for me to slip into to fix it mode when someone is hurting, struggling, and wrestling?

I wonder where you fit into this question and if this is something you may wrestle with too.  I wonder because "Am I alone in this?"  (I doubt it.)  

Then I thought about Jesus and I looked at His life, the words that He said, and the ways He lived. I began to realize that Jesus was a savior but not a fixer. He never stepped in to do the work for the person. He always invited them into a relationship. He always invited them to participate. 

Sometimes He asked if they wanted to be healed.  Other times they were to do what He told them to do. 

The disciples wanted him to do something about the Roman rule. They wrestled with the lack of Jesus stepping in and changing the course.  Sometimes they would 'do' something and Jesus would tell them that is not His way.  It took them a long time to understand the deeper reason of why Jesus was walking on the earth.  What He was really wanting to save them from, and it was more than rescuing them from their situation, He wanted them to understand the power they have in Him.  Through Jesus Himself they could live differently in the midst of their situation.

When the rich young ruler came to Jesus and asked what he could do to be saved, Jesus pointed to something he held very dearly, and it was his wealth. Jesus left him walk away when he chose to do so.  Jesus did not run after him or try to adjust the way he was to take.  No, Jesus gave space for the man to choose without fixing it.  

The Father gave his young son the inheritance he asked for.  What a slam to the Father!  After all, he was still alive.  The Father gave, left the son go, watching him take steps away from himself.  Here is the part that I sit with - the Father never went to the pigpen to get his son but waited and watched every day for him.

So the next question to myself is, "If Jesus doesn't step in to fix our situations, why do I?"

Is that the enemy wanting me to be like Jesus, the very thing he attempted to do? Is that the enemy's sly way of weaseling into my mind to destroy my life and giving us a sense of false power?  Is it the enemy's cunning way to destroy and kill Jesus' breath of life within me as I look around and want to set right the chaos, fix the wrong, do something about the mess ups in the situation, and even try to inform others on what to do?

Because I'll be honest. I don't like chaos. I want things to be smooth. I want things to flow. The chaos can be overstimulating to my brains at times plus I hate pain. I hate to see someone suffer and so I want to step in and do something.

Now before you go into the other ditch and shout, "But we can't let them get away with it! Or maybe it feels like we just sit back and do nothing."  It's definitely not becoming a doormat or an observer.  That is a topic that I'm not going to address in this article.  Waiting on God and leaning on Him is not a passive action.

What I'm slowly beginning to realize is that when I do something for the person they don't participate in the redemption.  They don't participate in the end product.  A saving of our souls requires a participation, with us acknowledging our own need and our situation.

When God went looking for Adam and Eve in the garden, that fateful day with the choice that they made to eat the fruit, He found them.  His first response was to ask them, "Where are you?"  

God didn't ask because He didn't know where they were, after all, He found them.  He wanted them to recognize and name what they were doing and where they were.  Adam responded with how he felt.  He felt shame.  

In naming our situations, we then can see our need.  Seeing our need, we then by God's grace can see what He is inviting us into.  Then God can show us the ways that we need to go.   Like Jesus so often said to the person who repented and responded to His invitation - "Go, and sin no more."  Go and live differently, live changed.  Sometimes He asked the person, "What do you want Me to do? Or, Do you want to be healed?"

If you look at the way that Jesus touched, saved, and healed people, it was when they recognized their need or were made aware of their situation and need. Naming the need and asking Jesus to touch them is where they found their deepest healing. It's where they found the healing that mattered most. Yes, we have many miracles where Jesus did the physical healing. But for some, like the nine lepers, that's where it stopped.  The one who returned to Jesus to give thanks, is the one who recognized who Jesus was and received a deeper healing.  Jesus told him, "Your faith has made you well." Luke 17:19

So then I asked myself, instead of fixing it for somebody, what is my response? How do I enter into the pain and journey of another person?  

Fixing something means I take the broken pieces and do something with them.  Fixing, indicates, I am responsible. That is not my job! I found myself relaxing as I realize that I don't need to fix it. 

And yet I found myself freaking out, because I realized that when Jesus didn't fix something, there was disappointment because of the missed expectations. The responses were varied when disappointment was felt.  Many times there was anger in the hearts of so many people.  

The realization began to settle in, that when I don't fix it for someone, very likely, I will get the same response. 

Along with that though, there was a sense of freedom.  It freed me to be, to stay, to speak life and that is love because it wasn't up to me to hold the weight of brokenness.  I was free to be, free to love the person because I no longer had to have the right words. I no longer had to get it right and I could stay.  All I needed to do was to partner with Jesus, leaning on Him.  It gave me the strength to look beyond and gave perspective to the ways I could help.  In some ways I get to participate with others, calling them and reminding them to remember who Jesus is. But I cannot do the work.  That is their choice.

Most of all, I could pray for them, lifting them to God, our Father, the One who is the Saviour and not a fixer.  Jesus, the One who came to walk with us, took on humanity to be with humanity in our brokenness.  He is the One who came to show us the way to live, yoked with Him.  It is a connection to Him that frees us to live and to love. It is a relationship with Jesus and a surrendering to His way and understanding that sometimes, for redemption's sake, the loving act we are called to do is for the very ones who hurt us.  

This is no 1-2-3 list of always knowing what to do, but wisdom, discernment, and clarity comes as we stay with Jesus, leaning on Him and most of all, knowing who Jesus is to us and for us.  Jesus has got it!  Jesus has got us all and isn't stressing out, so why am I?

When I understand who Jesus is and who I am in connection to that, I have a clearer understanding in my relationship with others.

Who is Jesus to you and for you?  Do you know him? Is He more and deeper to you than just knowing about Him?

Whatever hard situation you are in today, Jesus knows He alone can truly meet the need that you have.  When you choose Jesus, you can take Him with you wherever you go. When you know Him and He resides in your heart and soul, then, you have Someone who can give you wisdom, grace and discernment each step of the way.  It just may come in a different way and package than you would like for it to come.

What do we do with the times we feel silence from God?  Mary and Martha felt that very keenly as they asked Jesus to come and heal their brother Lazarus.

I recognize that we experience silences, we experience times like Job did when he cried out to God and he felt the silence deeply as he sat in his pain.   Job cried out God, "Where are you? My bones, my body is breaking!"  "I cry out to Thee for help, but Thou dost not answer me; I stand up and Thou dost turn Thy attention against me." Job 30:20

The mourning in our pain, the lament is necessary.  But can we, like Job, continue to stay with Jesus? Job 13:15, "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.  Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him."  Job did not ignore the pain.  He also knew where to go with it - to Jesus.  

It's so easy to go to people to fix, to correct, to make amends for brokenness.  Yes, there is a place for apologies, for restitution, for listening and caring, etc.  But truthfully, in many painful situations, apologies, justice, and restitution rarely take away the pain.  Even the most caring person cannot do the saving, we can only be with the one grieving.  

When I have a better understanding of this, I have less 'fixing' actions and more 'trusting' God responses.

Fixing - is me doing the work, what needs to be adjusted. 

Fixing - is me doing what I think the situation needs for the other person or for myself.  The other person doesn't need to participate.

That's a heavy weight to bear.

Trusting God has got it - is me releasing control.

Trusting God has got it - requires me to know Him as my own source of saving grace.

Trusting God has got it - means I believe His words and that He is the Saviour.

Being saved, is a participation.  I must participate with Jesus in my healing.  Others must do the same.

We are not the savior or the fixer, but Jesus is. We can participate in someone's journey by remembering who Jesus is for us and inviting others to Jesus.  

Remembering who Jesus is and who I am, frees me to love.  It frees me to be with the person instead of carrying the weight of searching for words to say.  It frees me to sit with and gives clarity to when words may help.

Maybe it is our participation to love when it's the hardest to do so that sets in motion the wheels of healing.  Maybe it's understanding that the person who is in pain will act out of that pain.  We very likely will want to pull back because it hurts, or we think "why in the world did they do that?"

Leaning on Jesus allows us to  participate and helps us to see beyond the actions of others.  Jesus saw beyond the situations and actions in all areas, calling out the hypocrisy in religious leaders, touching blind, lame, and leprous for healing.  He spoke beneath to the heart as He sat with the woman who had five husbands at the well.  He wrote words to the ones who held stones and ready to hurl them at the adulterous woman.  He looked beyond the action of Judas and Peter and felt the sting and ache of brokenness and yet offered forgiveness.  To the soldiers coming in the garden to get Him, He went and even healed the ear of the high priest's servant who Peter struck with a sword.

Loving another is seeing Jesus and looking beyond with wisdom.  Loving another is only possible when I let God's love change me and loosen my grip on what justice and healing brokenness looks like.

Letting go of being a fixer is recognizing who Jesus is for myself and for the other person then I am free to participate with Jesus.  I have more clarity on what love really looks like in a situation and relationship.  Sometimes the "what to do" is simply staying and not running from the hard, whether it's in my life or in someone else's.

It's not up to me.  I am called, invited to lean on Jesus and to trust Him, not fix.

I let out my breath and inhale a deep breath of rest.

 

Jesus is my savior and yours.  He is not our fixer. We must participate with him by recognizing and owning our need, not blaming. Yes, there are people that are responsible for what we experience, but even in that we must own how it has impacted us.   Jesus wants to save us.  He wants us to know just like He wanted the disciples and others to know, that in Him we have the strength, power, and wisdom to live in and above our experiences.  He wants to heal us where it matters most.  That means he doesn't always fix our situation like we want Him to.  He wants us to recognize Him and worship Him.

When Jesus doesn't fix it, we can get angry. Angry with the missed expectations, angry at God.  We feel helpless, it doesn't make sense, and if we're honest, we want it fixed.  That doesn't require much of anything from me.

Trusting God when He doesn't make sense is not an easy step in that moment.   Believing God wants to save us, requires us to release how and what we want done. Trusting Him is a step in the process of being saved, of surrendering, of letting go so we can be open to the deeper need and healing we may have.  

When we stay with the Way, Jesus, we find our way.  His way leads us to life and frees us to be.  Jesus wants to save us in deeper ways that is often not from our circumstances, but within them.  With Jesus, we have the power to live alive and free, within any circumstance.

God has got it!

I can relax.  

So, now my questions are - Why do I say what I do?  Is it from the posture and place of knowing who Jesus is? or Is it trying to prove who I am and the knowledge I have to correct the situation?  Is it from a posture of a more healed place or one of trying to remove chaos?  Is it from the deeper awareness that God has got it or am I holding the weight of trying to fix the world around me? 

I'll leave you with words of Job and Peter - 

Job answered the Lord, "I know that Thou canst do all things... therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me which I did not know... I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees Thee:"  Job 42:1-5

Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life."  John 6:68

Theirs is the invitation for us to hear the words of Jesus - "Go, your faith has made you whole or well."  

A Morning Walk, The Sun, The Clouds

 

The clouds hang low - covering what once could be seen clearly.

A hazy reminder that the sun IS still shining.

For a moment, just a moment on my morning walk, the sun pierced through the clouds as they parted to reveal what is present but simply could not be seen in the a moment.

These past days the clouds were persistently present and clouded over the sun's rays, blocking them from our vision as we were on this side of the clouds.  Some days the clouds weren't as thick.  Other days they were low and very dense, blocking all signs of the glowing beauty and warmth of the sun.

As I walked, taking steps, I was strongly reminded of God's presence.  His presence is like the sun - sometimes very close, visible, and warm.  Other times it's hidden behind the onslaught of the brokenness of life - death, rejection, missed expectations, broken stories, disappointments, etc.  

But the one truth that remains so very true and faithful is that God IS always present.  He is just as much there when He gets lost in the pain, hidden by the impact of hardships as He is when I can clearly see His presence and the work that He does.

So when I shout, "God, where are You?!"  I can follow that with - "Lord, I choose to believe.  I choose to believe that the sun is still there even when it's not shining.  I believe in a love even when I don't feel it.  Lord, help my unbelief."  

The song that we sing is borne from the agony of one who spent days in a cellar and carved the poem on the wall during the days of the Holocaust in Cologne, Germany.  A person, choosing to believe and reminding himself of what he could not see or feel, is still present in the midst of heartbreak and so utter demoralizing actions.  "I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining.  I believe in love, even when I don't feel it.  I believe in God, even when God is silent."

I believe that the sun even when I can't see it, is there when the clouds keep it hidden from view.

I know it will shine once again in its splendour when the clouds break away and let it shine through.

I believe in a God even though I can't see Him, even when He is silent I know He is there.

I know if I wait on the Lord and will listen, in a still small voice He speaks to me here.

chorus: I believe in a God and I know that I shall see Him someday in Heaven upon His great throne.

I believe in a God and I know He is with me, will be with me here till I enter my home.

I believe in a love that is true and tender, for God in His love sent it down from above.

I believe in a love even when I can't feel it, in this cold empty world where few know His love.

Truth remains even when present circumstances shout to us otherwise.  God's presence is faithfully there and we can cry out in faith, choosing to believe what we know above what we feel.  

Friend, my prayer is that you and I will know Jesus in deeper ways.  In deeper ways, that carry us through the foggy days and the darkness that at times envelopes us and blocks the sun.  

Faith is choosing Jesus in the times He makes no sense to our human minds.  Faith is choosing to believe Jesus over what we feel.  Faith is reaching for Jesus because we have learned to know Him in deeper ways.

It's Not What's Around You, But Who Is Within You That Allows Growth

 

It's not what's around you that determines your growth and survival of hard conditions, it's what you're rooted in.

It's WHO is within you that keeps you and makes all the difference in how you live through the hard things you encounter.

Ephesians 3:17-19 reminds us with, "so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God".

What grounds you determines your growth. 

When a plant is rooted it may still find a way to grow and bloom in the most unpleasant situations.  So it is with us as we find our roots anchored in Jesus.  John 15:4 tells us, "Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me."

It's Jesus within you that will make the difference of how you see your hardship and find strength to navigate it.  It is He within you where you find unexplainable peace and wisdom in the midst of hard and unexpected situations.

It's so easy to blame circumstances and other people for the hardships and difficult circumstances and relationship drama that we find ourselves in.  While what is happening around us matters and affects us it doesn't have the final say or verdict on our growth.  It only has that power if we allow it to define us.  The greatest influence is within our own hearts.  What is within our hearts reveals and determines the growth of our souls or the lack thereof.

Yes, people have a responsibility for their actions, but so do we.  We have the power to choose.

John 15:4 tells us - "Abide in Me and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me."

Take a moment to sit with Jesus.

Learn more of who He is.

Choose His greater truth.

Grab God's words of truth and don't let go when you're in the darkness and even if you don't feel it.

It will still change you and your perspective.

I'm not going to deny or overlook that it's much easier to bloom when the circumstances around us are good, fertile, and the right conditions.  But we all know that life hands us the unexpected, what we didn't want to live out, and even in those times we can learn to bloom and thrive when we are connected to Jesus because He tells us that He wants to fill us with Himself.

When a plant is rooted, it may still find a way to grow and bloom.  So it is with us, as we abide and stay with Jesus, we will find a way to bloom.

So, if you find yourself stuck or maybe living in repeated and unhealthy habits, check your connection to the One who loves you.  Your behaviours and actions will follow your focus and connection.

The Realities of the Rose

Perspective. 

If I had a conversation with you about the rose, I wonder what you would tell me.  What do you think of or see when you see a rose?

Do you see the rose?

Or do you see the thorns?

Would you say, "I would not want roses in my flower garden, they hurt!"  Or would you say, "I love roses in my flower garden, they smell so good?"

Both are present. Both are a reality. 

Some days I see the rose and then there are those days and moments when I see the thorns. The truth is, some days we need to grieve the 'thorns' because they hurt.

But what we focus on affects our experience and the outcome.  Our behaviour will follow what we focus on.  If I dwell on the fact that there are thorns and let that consume me, I likely will not have roses in my flower garden.  

What I choose to focus on does not deny the presence of the other.  Just because I focus on the beauty and enjoy the scent of roses does not negate or deny the reality of the thorns.  

What I choose to see will make all the difference in how I view the rose.

So it is with my circumstances, my hard, my what-I-would-not-choose in my story. I have a choice on what I dwell on.  What I dwell on will affect my behaviour and the choices I make.  

Dwelling on the negative and clinging to what I want life to look like will cause me much stress, worry, and added pain.

Choosing to look for the gifts that are present, releases the endorphins that lower the stress of the pain and impact on my body.  

Releasing control, surrendering to the story I am in is accepting the thorns on the stem of the rose.  As I accept, surrender, release, call it what you want to the 'thorns'; I become more more aware and appreciate the gifts more deeply along with the hardship of the thorns.

To focus on what I am feeling due to how life's trauma and hard impact me is important and helps me to choose to focus on God and what I learn about Him and life along the way.

Choosing to stay with God, the Life-giver, will make the difference on how I process all that crosses and walks with me on this journey of life. 

To focus on one does not deny the existence of the other but it does change and alter the course of my day.  Actually, to deny one you will deny the other.  To deny the truth of the thorns in many ways affects the truth of enjoying the flower.  A greater awareness of the thorn gives way to a heightened enjoyment of the flower.

Oftentimes it's the fragile dance of living with both but putting a greater weight on one.

To acknowledge what hurts, my anger, my disappointment but then shifting my concentration to Jesus, opening up to the possibilities that just may lie within the hardship. Owning the hard and how it hurts can give space and way to healing in ways that just may surprise you.

The Value and Language of Tears

Tears.

Psalm 56:8, "You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle.  Are they not in Your book?"

Tears give voice to the emotions we feel deep within our hearts and souls, whether it is a conscious thought or a subconscious one.  Sometimes we've learned to squelch the feelings that rise to the surface when we experience a happening or what someone says to us.

What happens is stored within us unless we give it space to be and it finds its way through us to healing, whether it's a hard and painful emotion or a joy-filled emotion.

Then another thing may happen to us and it adds to what is stored within us - a word spoken, a death, a rejection, being overlooked, an ache and longing, you name it; and the tears come.

When they come, in all our vulnerability, we often turn our faces, brush our cheeks to hide their trail.

Why do we so often turn our face to shield the trail of tears that leave their shiny mark on our cheeks?  In some ways we feel, maybe shame that they are present.  We may feel exposed, naked, and vulnerable as the tears leave our eyes and trail down our cheeks?

But tears are seen and cared for by God.  Tears are important, so important that God collects them and puts them in a bottle.

There is space for tears and they matter.  What causes them matters. I picture God gently holding the bottle, tracing the trail of tears and carefully and gently guiding them into the opening.  The He writes about it.  He may name them or maybe He writes what we say and name as we pour out our hearts to Him along with the tears.

Tears tell us that something and/or someone matters a whole lot.

Tears are the language of grief.  They speak of weariness.  They hold the ache of unmet longings and desires.  They mourn for the ones we love who have gone on to their eternal home.  They leave their trail as we laugh hard.  Tears fill our eyes as we witness joyous reuniions and moments.  Tears of repentance soften our hearts.

Tears are healthy.  They was our hearts, souls, and minds, cleansing us from the toxicity of stress and pain, again and again.

Tears are a language.  The next time tears come, listen to what they are telling you and treasure them just as God does.  Listen to the voice they are saying and give space for them, allowing their cleansing and healing work to take place.

The Enlarging of Our Soul in Grief and Pain

 

We often say, "I'll never be the same", after a life-changing and altering happening.  As much as it hurts and we'd like it to be what we always knew it as, grief, pain, broken stories, redemption leave their mark and in all honesty should not leave us the same.

We are deepened by grief's awareness.  We know more deeply the carrying of both grief and joy.  We know firsthand the ache of loss because we knew the joy of loving the one we lost or what has been lost or changed.

Grief, death, pain is because we knew love and connection and had the privilege and joy of loving someone and wholeness.  It's also once knowing health and now being very much aware of the diagnosis and sometimes the daily carrying of shards of broken health.

To learn to know who Jesus is for us in these moments, is to choose to yoke together with Him and learn of Him in deeper ways.  

To know grief is to have the opportunity to know the comfort of Jesus.  

To know loss is to have the opportunity to see things with more clarity.

To be weak is to choose to know God's strength.

To have experienced brokenness is the opportunity to know God's healing and tender touch.

To know grief is to be enlarged by it as we learn to know more of who God is in the middle of it. 

I've been enlarged by grief, health issues, and mental darkness and I don't ever want lose what I've learned and to not be deepened by the lessons I've learned within it and learning to who Jesus is.  Matthew 11:28, Come to Me - and learn of Me and you will find rest for your souls.

In learning who Jesus is we find rest.  Proverbs 18:10 tells us, "The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous runs into it and is safe."  Not safe as in all blue skies and no harm, but a refuge and place to dwell and to find rest.

Being deepened by loss, grief, and pain is an awareness that leaves us changed.  It's a hard truth and a mysterious one. It's a deepening awareness that changes our thought processes, beliefs, and even friendships and connections.  We are changed because of knowing Jesus more fully within it.  In a hard and mysterious way, it is with reverence we carry and hold the change.  It's the scars that tell us what we've borne, carried, loved, and yet have no more.  It's the scars that tell us of what is while holding the awareness of what once was or what we had envisioned to be different.

I would not have chosen my hard path but I am grateful for who I've become through it all.  When we surrender what is, what was lost, and the unfulfilled desires to God, we have space to find new joys and a freedom within our story.

As the caterpillar surrenders to the process it becomes a butterfly.  As we surrender to the process of pain and joy, the both/and of life to God, we are changed and a deepened awareness of who we are and who God is takes place.  We find our wings.  We find the space and freedom to fly.

I carry my story and scars with reflective honour and give thanks for the deepening it has done in my heart.  The same can be true for you.