I took in a meal for an elderly man who just lost his wife of 62 years. I decided to make chili soup. As I was telling a group of ladies what I was taking, one informed me that is something he really enjoys along with potato salad. I responded with, "Oh, I could make that, too."
The conversation continued with another lady telling me that he is kinda the guru of potato salad and that he really enjoys making it. For a moment I paused, wondering if I should attempt to make it and grace his meal with that item.
I decided on the menu - chili soup and yes, potato salad.
Several days later my husband was told by a family member that I was brave to take him potato salad since he is picky and the king of potato salad with his opinions and enjoyment of making it. By the way he said I passed the test. (Whew!)
The test. I didn't know what I was up against. I didn't know I would be 'scored'. I didn't know about any expectations to that extent. Therefore I knew not fear of disappointing. I didn't realize there was such a high expectation or standard.
And because I did not fear, I gave. I took the time to make potato salad and offer it to him to enjoy.
The thought became loud and clear - what we can do when we don't fear.
I've been pondering this quite heavily and realizing that when fear is not present we give and offer in ways that are alive. When fear doesn't chain us to the ground we fly with the freedom of offering what we have to someone.
I realized that to put forth effort to not fear was not going to work in any way or accomplish this freedom in giving. When some expectation is set before me, trepidation fills my heart. When I realize that I could let someone down, I want to shrink back from giving. When a bar is set, I want to soar over it - but - what if I don't?
I realized anew how much people's thoughts and opinions were holding me back. Holding me back from offering, from engaging with people, and giving because of standards spoken or unspoken. Standards placed upon me by others and even myself would send me running or paralyzing me with its demand.
The way is through, not around or avoiding.
What lies beneath fear? Fear is the tip of the iceberg that we see. Underneath the face of fear lies a conundrum of many things - fear of missing out, fear of rejection, fear of disappointing those around me, fear of being alone. You fill in the blank. When I pay attention to what lies beneath fear and match it with God's words and what He says is truth, fear loses its grip. In the presence of God and his truth, fear fades away. Just as the dawn causes the darkness to recede and fade into glorious light, so is God's love as it penetrates our hearts and the lies that we believe, causing the darkness of fear to fade into a glorious light within our hearts.
I realized again that it is only in knowing Love that fear loses its power. I realized that to combat fear I must know perfect love. Perfect love is only found in Jesus. It is who He is.
So. Sitting at the feet of Jesus is a place I must go. Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28 to come to Him and learn of Him and He will give us rest in our souls. Peace. Settled. Strength. Confidence.
So I sat with Jesus. I confessed the idolatry of valuing people's opinions so highly that it keeps me from truly living. A friend spoke words of turning to Jesus and allowing His face to shine over me. I must turn away from the thing that causes my heart to quiver and shake in fear, to look at the One whose gaze shines over me. So, I asked Jesus to tell me what He thinks and the value He places on me.
In turning towards God, we experience God's mysterious way and in ways that only He can do, fear begins to fade away. In its place a confidence builds. Confidence to face fear and put it in perspective and in its proper place. Trading fear for "Be strong, take courage." Fear of failure finds confidence of the redemption of Jesus. Worth and validation knows a security that God sees, we are inscribed in the palm of His hand. Isaiah 49:16.
You see, when you and I know Whose we are, the circumstances and people around us no longer define us. When God's love grips our hearts, fear loses. Fear loses its grip in the presence of Perfect Love.
It is a mystery. Perfect love truly does cast out fear.
Now, my friend, it just may be your turn to sit with Jesus and gaze in His face. You may need to learn more of God's love and joyfully and with awe discover that fear has no place in that presence. In God's miraculous way the very thing that grips your heart in the bondage of fear can lose its grip as you learn more of God's truth.
When we don't fear, we give of ourselves freely and wholly.
Oh Jesus,
May we know Your love in deeper ways. May we sit with You to know the joy of Your shining face on us. There are so many expectations that can cause us to fear missing the mark and disappointing people. As we know Your love may we realize the idolatry of putting other's opinions as our gauge of value. Oh, Lord Jesus, You have loved us before we ever loved You.
Fill me with Your love, deep in my broken crevices, in the places where I ache, I desire to know You. For I realize that when I know who I am in You that's all that truly matters. You define my worth and value.
Thank You,
Your daughter
Because of His love we can live in the abundance of living.
Because of His love fear slips away and in its wake we discover the awe of the freedom of living.
Because of His love we can know our truest worth and value.
No comments:
Post a Comment