Knowing The Physician's Touch

 

Mornings are the time I like to take my walk.  It is a time for me to begin my day in conversation with God and myself as I reflect, ponder, and pay attention to what is going on inside of me.

One particular morning, following months of praying a prayer for healing in my heart and desiring the touch of Jesus, I felt a shift.  You see, storied within me was a belief system that began years ago in the heart of a 10 year old in fifth grade that there is something wrong with her and if she could only figure it out, then she would be liked.  Blindsided by mistreatment of schoolmates began this quest.

In the days and the years that followed, healing happened in small ways but there still lingered a trigger reaction in certain situations.  Storied in my body and mind was something that I did not have words for.  Certain situations would cause a reaction that was out of reach to talking myself into responding differently.  I knew that only God could heal this reaction.

That morning, I felt the roots forming and taking hold that I am okay with being me.  I actually even like me, at least a little bit. :) I wrestled with God as my Creator because I was having a hard time accepting me, for it seemed there was a major defect.  So to begin to be okay with me was a huge beginning step.

Here I am going to insert a truth - that when we begin to love ourselves in a correct way (it is the second greatest commandment of Gods), then we discover a peace that passes understanding and it affects the way I interact with those around me.  We cannot give what we do not possess.

There is a place of what's broken and aching within our hearts can't be truly righted and healed unless the Master Physician touches it.  We look to people, things, accolades, promotions, etc to make us feel more whole but the ache remains.  Even if the person who hurt us confesses and makes it right, sometimes the pain still lingers.  That is the space for Jesus and for us to know Him.

We can help each other see the light and to know a better way, but in the end the deepest and truest healing touch of Jesus is the only thing that can truly satisfy our aches and brokenness.  We are to be a companion and to love each other, but there will always remain a space for Jesus and Jesus alone.

In the loneliest of nights, in the deepest caverns and broken fissures of our hearts, and in the driest spaces of the wilderness and desert is the space that Jesus wants to be discovered as our Master Physician.  He wants to heal us in ways that only He can and it just may surprise you how satisfying His touch will be.

Jesus told the woman who came to the well for a drink, in the middle of the day and alone, if you knew Who was asking for a drink you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water.  She came to the well to satisfy her physical need of water and thirst but she left satisfied in the place that mattered the most - her heart and soul.  She also left her waterpot, the very need she had come to fulfill.

Do we forget who Jesus is in our time of need?  I recognize that it is easy to slip into a habit of figuring life out and looking to others for our help.  Our times of desert places, wilderness moments, darkness, and loneliness is the very place we can choose to look to Jesus for our healing and find a satisfaction beyond our imagination .  

The Israelites forgot that over and over, time and time again when they were in the wilderness.  They reached a hard spot, were thirsty, hungry and the first thing they did was to complain.  They longed for what they had in Egypt at times.  They longed for the comfort of food and plenty forgetting the intense persecution they had been experiencing and longing to be delivered from.

We have that same human tendency to forget.  If we know who Jesus is, we too, can be satisfied with the Living Water.

What do you do to keep from forgetting who God is for you? How do we really live this out?  How do we learn to know Jesus?  How do we experience His touch?  Are some questions that you may ask.  God may seem distant and how do we reach Him?

He says whoever believes Me will be saved, having eternal life.  John 6:47, John 20:31, Acts 16:31 are a few verses that tell us of this truth.

Two things catch my attention, one is when Jesus told the woman, "If you knew who was asking you for a drink?" and the other is when she left her waterpot at the well to go and tell others about Jesus and inviting them to come and see Him.

Believing Jesus is a choice.  It is quite simple - faith, believing and yet we strive for something more. We can trust Him because He is faithful and never lies.  Knowing Jesus comes by reading the Word of God and believing it in the light and the dark times we experience.

If you find yourself in the darkness or in the wilderness, feeling lost and alone, I invite you to reach for the words of truth found in the Bible and claim them.  Read them as often as you need to allowing them to penetrate the places that can only be touched and healed by Jesus our Master Physician.

He wants you to know Him.  We too, often come with the desire to satisfy our needs in one way and when we encounter Jesus, we walk away satisfied in the place that matters the most - our mind, heart, and soul.  We, too can leave behind our 'waterpots', the very need we came to fulfill and find a deeper healing.

It Matters

This reminds us there are possibilities beyond 
what we see right now.  Also, stones were used
to build this arch.

Anytime you begin something new, whether it's a redo or starting a project from its very beginning, it matters what you begin with.  

At the beginning of this new year, goals are set, dreams are aspiring, and resolutions look possible.  Before long, the mundane sets in and what looked possible and glamorous now looks dull and maybe the end goal a bit dim and maybe it's lost in all the muck and grime of life's happenings.

It matters why you started for the why will keep you going when you hit this point.  Your resolutions will fail unless you are grounded in why you wanted to begin.

Winter reminds us and invites to pay attention to what is underneath, beneath, and within.  It reminds us that what is happening beneath the dirt of the tree, plants, and flowers matters.  Spring and life will eventually reveal the results.

It matters what is happening underneath. It also matters what's happening inside of you. 

As the root system of a tree makes a difference how it stands during the fierce blows of winter and the production of summer, so our root system matters, too.  What we're grounded in is important as it holds us through the winters and the storms of life and also the production of fruit and good works that God wants us to do for Him.  

It matters where are roots are drawing their sustenance.  Ephesians 3:17-18 tells us that being rooted and grounded in God's love also fills us.  Colossians 2:7 invites us to root ourselves in Jesus.  When we're rooted and grounded in God and His love, we're rooted and grounded in Jesus. Jesus is love. When we're rooted in Him, it guides us, holds us, and keeps us; anchoring us when the stormy winds blow. When the harsh cold winds beat us with the things that we thought we'd never walked through or that we never desired to endure, we have an anchor.  

But in all honesty, what does this really look like in this life I am living?  How do I live this out?

What do I do when that anger, the disappointment, the habit comes back and I give way to its vices, again derailing my aspiring goal to change and to do differently?  What do you do when you keep going back to your habit again and again?  Maybe you don't, but I believe these are all pieces of our root system, leading us to what we believe about ourselves.  If we trace them, they will reveal what we know and believe about the God who made us, the God who holds us and the God who keeps us.

So, take a moment and with bravery, sit with your anger, look at your disappointment square in its face. Let it lead you to trace God in the middle of it all. 

This leads me to realize, I must know the truth.  I must know Jesus who is Truth and that comes by reading His words and memorizing them, meditating on them, and hiding them in my heart.  We'll come back to this. 

The pain, the disappointments, and missed goals are like the weight of a stone.   Let's put that anger, the disappointment, the deaths that you have walked through and write its name on a stone.

Stones have multiple purposes and reasons.  They are heavy.  One thing is they can trip us when we stumble on them or we can use them to make a path through a garden of flowers.  By the way, I like to use stones in my flower garden. I use them to create paths.  They tell anyone who wanders through the garden, where to go.  They lead and give direction.

Now, you have a choice.  Either you can keep carrying your stone, allowing it to weigh you down and trip you, or you can lay it down.  You can lay it down at the feet of Jesus and make a path.  You can create a path that leads you through the darkness and hardship to see Jesus in the midst of it. 

You can create a path of faith.

We're circling back to the reality that I must know Jesus and that comes by reading His words and choosing to believe them for sometimes in the midst of all my angst, they  feel so distant.  I am also tempted to doubt God is trustworthy or faithful.  

Your stones of hardship, pain, rejection, and disappointment are opportunities to lead you to Jesus where you can trace the goodness and faithfulness of God.  They can remind you of God's presence and the way He led you through the darkness and into the light, a stepping stone of faith.  This is the time and place where we speak truth into our lies and situation  Truth brings clarity and light to the shadows and darkness of what we believe, which in turns affects our actions.

What is happening beneath and within you heart, matters.  It matters what we believe, for this fuels our actions.  Those goals you set, that desire to change is all riveted on what you believe deep within.

So, in this year, when you misstep and miss the mark of your goal, sit with it and trace it and let it lead you to Truth, to Jesus, and listen to what He says.  In this  year as you aspire to grow, first of all choose to know God and to read His words.  It makes all the difference.  It matters.

With truth, we can turn our weights into stepping stoning and we can turn what hurts into words of God's goodness to us. We release, we lay down a stone that becomes the path of faith of seeing Jesus that can anchor us in the fog and shadows we find ourselves in at times.

There are pieces of our story and chapters in our lives that can't be erased or undone. They can be rewritten and reworded because of the hope that we have in Jesus.  First John 4:4 tells us that greater is He that is within us than he that is in the world. God's words matter more than what our story has told us and informed our way of thinking. 

What happens in our story tells us it matters what you believe. It matters who you believe, so pay attention, be aware, be alert and let the weight of the pain, the weight of hardship, and the weight of rejection being turned into stepping stones of faith in God. May the weight lead you to him.

I also want you to know that as I have wrestled with pain, I have said it so many times, "I hate pain".  I realized that I'm dwelling on the negative, and so I asked the Lord, "How I could reword it? What can be said instead?"  This word picture of taking pain and seeing it as a weight and a stone and repurposing gave me a visual that changed the pain and gave it a new purpose.  Its intent can nudge us to Jesus, if we choose to let it.  It can lead us to the One who holds us and keeps us.  It gave me a visual of the release so I can receive something better.  We cannot hold onto the pain with a grip and receive God's freedom at the same time.  We must release the one to receive the other.

It's the process of forgiveness, again and again, rewriting our stories to give space for life to be created because of the presence and power of Jesus.  Keeping a grip on the impact of our pain hinders us from opening up to receive God's mercy and life.  A quote by Joseph Fasano says it well and again gave me a visual as I struggled to release my "stones" and lay them down.  It reads, "Why open?  Because what is a blossom anyway but a fist saying I can't do this anymore."  I also want to remind you that forgiveness is not saying it doesn't matter or didn't happen, in fact when we release the impact it is actually saying, 'it matters' and I am choosing a better way.  In the truest form of forgiveness, it's the releasing of my need for revenge and to make the other person pay so I can receive and experience God's mercy and grace.  Forgiveness is the release that sets me free and breaks the bond I have with the impact of the pain that I am feeling.  It is the laying down of the weight of the stone and finding a life-giving purpose to live in.

So, my friend, you are not alone, let what hurt you lead you to trace the goodness and presence of Jesus in your life.   In your story, you're creating a pathway of faith.  It matters.  It matters to how you live out your goals and it will affect your victory stance in the battle you find yourself in, in this one life you live.  May God's grace and His presence surround you as you aspire and step into this new year.

Come, Let Us Adore Him

 

I don't know what went through your mind when your read the title.  Maybe you tapped on this article out of curiosity.  Maybe there was a hint of cynicism as you think that sounds musical and like a peaceful scene and your heart feels far from peaceful and to worship sounds excruciating.  Or maybe you chose to read this because, you too, found that adoration and worship isn't limited to the peaceful and good scenes in your life.  Worship and adoration are the wind in our sails, the doorway that opens up to peace, and the anchor to our soul as we hold the realities of hardship, grief, lament along with hope and faith.

It's easy to paint the scene of the nativity with calm and peace. Amidst the peace and calm that was present the night Jesus was born, there was also the reality that there was no room in an inn where comfort would have been for Mary to birth Jesus. Disappointment. There was the reality that the barn stinks, odors of the cattle, smells of the hay and dung. Not perfect or pleasant. The shepherds who came, came from the hillside.  They came from work, as they were.  No curated attire or taking the time to look-just-right.

"A Saviour was born", announced the angel.  The shepherds received the message and said, "Let us go straight to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened.  Let us go see what the Lord has made known to us."  They went.  They went in a hurry, with haste, very likely leaving behind the flock of sheep on the hillside.  They ran to the stable and worshipped.  They worshipped the infant, giving Him the gift of adoration right in the middle of life and all that it held.  The mundane of work, the smells, the treatment of the Romans on their minds were laid down as they worshipped the Saviour, the One who came, the One who was promised to them ages ago.  

Jesus, the One who came, is now here after 400 years of not hearing from any prophet or priest.

The truth of worship and adoration is that hardship, stinky smells, and pain aren't annulled.  Remembering who God is and praising Him and giving thanks to Him, is the air to our lungs and changes the posture of our heart to receive Him. 

The stinky barn smells become the aroma of holy ground.  In the middle of disappointments and pain, peace smiles as we learn to know the Prince of Peace.  

Life holds the both/and.  Jesus' coming did not erase pain and hardship.  In many ways, it intensified it as light collided with darkness.  Jesus' coming contains the promise that the serpent, Satan would be defeated some day and that does not go without a fight, a battle.

We, too, can come to worship and adore Him, just as we are.  We come with our pain, the disappointments, and the realities that are, oh so real and give thanks for Jesus as our Comforter.  He is the Prince of Peace that calms our hearts within the storm or calms the storm.  We camp under His wings and find a refuge. We come because we choose to learn to trust the One who came.  We come and peace pervades.  The Greek word for peace is eirene meaning peace, rest, quietness, set at one again.

Satan was defeated at the resurrection but not destroyed forever.  Today we are still in this battle between light and darkness, pain and hope, control and trust.  Our worship and adoration is the posture for victory and peace.

Jesus came to set us at one with Himself, not the world around us.  We can have a quietness within our hearts, even in the most unpleasant circumstances.  When we worship and adore Jesus because of who He is, it becomes the doorway for peace to envelope our heart and mind.  He is the Door, the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

Come.  Let us adore Him.

Come, is the continual invitation of Jesus, the One who came.

Come, as you are, with all that you hold within your heart and mind.

Come and worship the One who came. For you.

When Peace on Earth Doesn't Look or Feel Like Peace on Earth

There's a piece of this Christmas, birth story of Jesus that is a bit unsettling and one that the answers lay shrouded. 

We talk of peace on earth, and rightly so. The angels said, "Glory to God in the Highest and on earth peace among men." Luke 2:14 

What do we do with the result of Herod's reaction to feeling threatened? When he discovered he was duped by the wise men, he was worried that a young boy would take his throne so he had the little boys three and under killed. 

Little ones lost their lives in the wake of Jesus' earthly arrival. 

Peace on earth? That doesn't sound like peace. 

We too, have things that happen that make no sense and we question the way of Jesus and what He is doing.  We experience the loss of our loved ones.  Rejection, trauma, and disappointments leave their mark.  In the wake of men and women's fears, death and evil happens. 

What do we do with all this?

What happens to us, may leave us wailing and with more questions than clarity. 

But the greatest truth above any darkness is that in the darkness Jesus came. Peace came and still comes because Peace is a Person.

He wants us to know Him for who He is more than what He does and what happens to us.  He wants to show us more of Himself.  So often we turn away.  The pain can be so great and the questions so tumultuous that in our human way of processing we can't make sense of it.  We have a hard time connecting Jesus to the painfilled situation.

Learning to trust Jesus is a journey and process but it is what He wants us to learn, even in the darkness and when things don't make sense.   He sees perfectly and understands the truest form and way to life. 

Those mothers who wailed those nights long ago - I wonder what they would tell us if we could ask them about the night they lost their sons?  What would they say to a heart holding grief that feels so unbearable?

For me, for you - He is still Immanuel, with us in whatever we walk through - the fire, the waters, with us in the pain and He wants us to know who He is.

Redeemer. Comforter. Counselor. Guide. And so much more. 

Who is He to you, right now, in whatever you are facing and walking through?  Maybe all you can cry out is, " Lord, help my unbelief." That's okay.  That's the cry of faith that God wants to answer - learning to trust Him when it's the hardest to do so. 

John 14:27 - "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

Philippians 4:7 - And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

God's Presence With Us in the Forging That Happens in the Darkness

 

Psalm 23: 4 - Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou are with me; Thy rod and staff they comfort me. 

I hate pain.  I hate pain of any sort, physical, emotional, and mental.  I hate to see you in pain and walking through hardships.  I'll be honest - I want to right it, to fix it for you.  At least, may I give you tools to navigate it all.

But more and more I realize and most of the time I am in its mystery, that the wrestling in hardship and pain works a good that we otherwise don't experience.  As much as I have a dislike for pain, I am learning to trust my Master.

A friend wrote a line that has stuck with me, "Sometimes helping can be hurting."  For her it's in her position as a doula, helping the mother birth a child.  For me, it's in walking with others in their wrestlings and darkness.  For you, well you fill in the blank. 

Let's take a look at the butterfly.  What would you like to do if you gave witness to the emerging of the butterfly?  It's wrestling to come out of the cocoon and develop wings to fly, is so vital for it's ability to live and fly.  If you step in to help the butterfly, it hurts it.  The wrestling builds the strength of the butterfly's wings so it can fly.  If you help it, you stunt its growth and actually cripple it.  They release a chemical as they come out of their chrysalis that strengthens their wings.  The movement of the wrestling pushes and pulses this chemical through their wings, giving them the strength they need to fly.

Okay.  So, I will do my best to let you wrestle, just do it with the pulse of God's truths coursing through your heart and mind.  That is what will give you strength to fly.

In all honesty, I get it.  I have experienced the darkness of wondering what my purpose is, of knowing pain in all its forms, and walking through the darkness of mental unhealth to where my fight to live was little to none.  In my valley of darkness and yes, the shadow of death, God intervened and guided me through His Holy Spirit and I reached for Him in desperation.  I reached for Him through choosing to believe His truths above and over the paradigm that was coursing through my heart and mind.  In the aloneness of my valley, I found Jesus, the Saviour, in ways I wouldn't have if people had stepped in.  Now I am not advocating not caring for people in their pain.  What I am saying, if you find yourself in a position where you feel forsaken and maybe you are all alone; it is an opportunity for you to reach for Jesus, your Saviour.  He is the only One who can truly give you life and in the wrestling and hardship your wings of faith will strengthen as you choose to believe His words.

Sometimes helping is hurting.

Daily.  Sometimes it was minute by minute and moment by moment, choosing to stay with God and believe Him, even when He seemed distant and in a corner.  I felt alone and uncared for.  

In the wrestling to believe God was with me and near; I faced the very thing I feared - abandonment and being left alone in the hardship and darkness.

But I wasn't.

God's staff and rod were guiding and comforting me.  I can trace it and see it now.

Over 2000 years ago, God intervened.  He split the dark night sky with the glorious light of an angel announcing to the hillside of sheep and shepherds with the news that Jesus came.  A Saviour. Immanuel.

That night broke the silence of 400 years.  400 years of waiting, wondering and doing it over and over.  Will the Messiah come?  Where is He?  This Roman rule is so cruel.  Oh, how long?

The way of Jesus is a mystery.  A king coming as a baby, vulnerable and dependent on someone else.  Arriving in a stable where life was stinky and messy and noisy.  There was a stigma to being a shepherd, lowly.  

But friend, oh how beautiful is this.  Jesus is our Good Shepherd and what better people to announce His arrival than to shepherds.

God's ways are best even though many times I wrestle to understand them.  He is with us.  He intervenes in the darkness, in our darkness.  And though it often doesn't look like we think it should, it is His way to our life, peace, and wings of redemption that we us to fly.  But we must choose Him.

So, in this season where we celebrate and are reminded of His coming as a baby.  Let's not miss Him because it didn't look the way we thought it should, as a King would come.  

You can trust Him.  Your faith is your wings to fly, whether the storm rages or the sun shines.

So, I will pray that you have courage to have faith.  That you will choose to stay with Jesus in your weakness, doubts, fears believing His words of truth that can set you free.  Jesus is still in the business of setting captives free with His amazing manna grace and faithful love that so often happens in the dark of the night. 

John 8:38 - And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

Good Shepherd.  Immanuel - God with us.  Saviour.  Comforter.  The One who Intervenes.

Lament and Gratitude Are Held Within the Rainbow

 

Rainbows never cease to amaze me, pull me in, and make me want to grab my camera to capture it - again.

But that means there is rain, a storm nearby.

The rain.  The sun. =  The rainbow.

It's a paradox that my human mind simply cannot quite grasp.  The nuance of beauty that requires both the sun and the rain at the same time.

Sorrows, pain, death, disappointments, rejection, and the list can go on with you putting your word on the list, they all darken our skies and cloud our vision.

The calendar says tomorrow is Thanksgiving day.  A day where families often gather to eat and a day specifically to give thanks.  But so often, this day holds something unseen.  It's what we carry within our hearts.  Maybe there's an empty seat or two.  Maybe life right now is dark and bitter and why in the world would I give thanks?!  You may be carrying the unseen weight of grief, disappointments, and pain.

Thanks.  Gratitude.  Seem so far away.  Some may call it toxic positivity or toxic gratitude.  It's only toxic when we use it to avoid our feelings and what is going inside of us. 

We are to give thanks in everything, not necessarily for everything. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)   Jesus gave thanks as He broke bread moments before being taken and then later crucified. (Luke 22:19)

This is hard for us humans to grasp.  This nuance of pain and the giving of thanks.  You may not like what life has given you or where you are at and giving thanks can seem cruel and even toxic.  But in this season or place you find yourself in, you can hold lament while at the same time speak words of gratefulness and gratitude for God and His faithfulness, His promises, and for His words of truth.  That is healthy thanksgiving.  We don't need to choose one over the other, we can hold both, and discover the miracle and mystery of giving thanks.

This is often what we don't want to hear - that pain is needed. In the hands of God and how He works pain and hardship for good, is good.  That somewhere and in some place close to us there is the sun's rays of gifts and joys that co-exist with the storm to create a startling and astounding beauty of its own.

The promise of the rainbow.  God made a promise to Adam the day He put the rainbow in the sky after the devastation and destruction of the flood.  God gives us promises today, as well.  His Word is full of His words and the promises of life and truth that give us strength and grace to face whatever lament our heart and mind holds.

And just like the mystery of sun and rain to create the rainbow, so is the mystery of beauty and grace that is formed within us when we hold both the lament of grief and pain along with the gratitude for the promises that God gives to us.  He is faithful and we can anchor anything we hold in that.  

He is with us in the fire. (Isaiah 43:2)

He gives strength in our weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

He tells us to come to Him and learn of Him and we will find rest for our souls. (Matthew 11:28-29)

He is our refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1)

And so many more!

This is a life-saving and life-giving gratitude that shifts and changes how we walk through our lament.  It gives us the power and strength to be victorious and not let the enemy steal and kill our joy and the life of God within us as the storm rages.  The giving of thanks is the shift from focusing on the pain and the lament to allowing it space to be while gazing on Jesus and His faithful promises.  And just like it is when there is the rainbow, we ooh and aah at the splendour and beauty; one day we will find peace and rest and proclaim the beauty because of our storm.

So in this Thanksgiving season or any other day (because giving thanks and gratitude is not limited to the calendar day), with the posture of two hands, hold lament in one while you give thanks, for one good thing, with the other.  (Psalm 50:14/116:17 & Hebrews 13:15)

What Saturates Our Minds Affects Our Actions

 

How do we change our behaviour and our thoughts?

It's easy to feel overwhelm at words like brain retraining, you are what you think, dwell on good things. These words and concepts are important and valid and true.  Even God tells us in His word to take every thought captive, to give thanks in all things (not necessarily for all things), to dwell on what is pure and good, etc.  

But the reality is, that thoughts come and it seems like no amount of trying or effort to think differently, actually makes a difference or change what is in my mind.

Again, how?  How do I do this?  The spring in the year 2020 was a very low and dark time for me.  Dealing with chronic neuro-Lyme left me battling a darkness that seemed to haunt me, rejection pounded on my door, feeling alone, and as always not liking who I was or what came out of me.  The question that rose from within me, that I asked a thousand times over, was, "How do I change?  What do I do different?  This person thinks I'm too much, I may be too loud for someone and too quiet for another.  I may laugh at the wrong thing for one person and take too seriously when I should laugh.  So, how do I act and who am I?

The answer did not come loud and clear, but looking back, I trace the Holy Spirit and the hand of God in my thoughts.

It was the thought that people can change their ideas and opinions of me, but God is faithful and what He says is truest and doesn't change - I am His beloved.

I needed to give wings to my thoughts and what was inside of me so I could deal with whatever it was.  I then remember, quite clearly thinking - "What is truth?"  God is.  Nothing made sense to me, what was is no more, my worst fear of feeling abandoned by God was happening in my darkness, friendships were changing, and so on.

So, I began to choose the words of Jesus - the greater truth- in response to my darkness and the lies I was believing and to what I was feeling.  I clung to them in desperation as a thirsty man in the desert reaches for water.  I chose to focus on something different than my pain.  I would pay attention to what was inside of me, giving wings to the voice of fear, abandonment, pain, and more.  I would then choose - the one good thing - in the middle of all the angst and muck.  I would cling to verses for my life depended on it.  

Two years later I was struck with a reality that I never saw coming - a change within, a miraculous change.  Something different was coming out of me.  Slowly and choice by choice to believe Jesus, He transformed my mind and what was in my mind was now different.

Change can happen in a moment, in leaps and bounds, but change often happens in the slow and the choosing, again and again of something that is life-giving.

Our minds are like a sponge, soaking up what we put in it and allow it to soak up.  Put in negativity and it will absorb it.  Let it sit in a puddle of muck and mud and that is what a sponge and our mind absorbs.  Put it in a bucket of clean water and that will affect it too.

What the sponge is absorbed with, is what will drip out of it and be wrung out of it.  If I want a clean sponge I must let clean water flow through it.

So, I realized, that if I wanted to change, I needed to choose Jesus again and again, drip by drop.  Just like the sponge is cleaned by the clean, pure water running through it, so our minds are "cleaned" by God's words of truth running through our minds

Our minds are like a sponge, absorbing the world around us and all that happens to us.  Each word is like a drop.  Every action comes with an interpretation.  Each drop adds to the sponge of our minds.  Our minds and hearts absorb what is spoken or done to us.  We have interpretations of things done to us and situations that happen.

I could sit in and wallow in the pain and injustices and yes, mistakes of others that affected me or I could sit and soak up the truths of God.

I realized that each drop fills my mind and it matters what I become absorbed with.  What I become absorbed with will eventually be what flows out of me.  If I am soaked with God's truth, it will be what flows out of me.  And so, I keep choosing God and His truth.

What fills your soul?  What is your mind saturated with?  Want to change your actions? - first change what saturates your mind.

Words are spoken.  Hurt happens.  Pain fills our hearts.  (This is the gunk that can dirty our mind.)

Our minds and souls make interpretations based on what saturates them.

What do we do when life doesn't make sense?

Where do we go when the people around us are human too and sometimes we 'step' on each other or step over one another?

Where is hope now?

What words mean anything now and really, what is even true and truth?

Our responses and answers to these questions are in direct connection to what we have filled our minds with.  What have you been feeding "the bear or the ravaging lion"?

Have you been feeding it negativity, believing the lies that we connect to the action?  

-I'm not good enough.

-I messed up too much.

-Liar.  Failure.  Rejected (and so on)

Or have you been feeding on God's words of truth and claiming them as the greater truth to what has happened.  

-God says when we choose Him in faith, He is pleased.

-He tells us to dwell on good things and to take our thoughts captive, to own them.

-He says His strength and His grace is sufficient in our weakness.

-He says He forgives when we confess. 

-His name is Redeemer, Counsellor, Adonai

-He is Comforter and with me in my story and pain.  (Oh, there are so many more - read His words and let them soak into your mind and soul.)

Let's pick up the sponge again.  What the sponge is saturated with, is what will drip out.  What the sponge is soaked with, comes out when squeezed.

What fills my heart and mind will show when I'm squeezed with the hardships of life.  What I'm focused on and feeding my mind with will be revealed when I'm overlooked, experience rejection, feel uncared for, and so on.  When death, disappointments, and doubts come, they squeeze me and what's inside of me will be what comes out.  Is it negativity or is it what God says?

If we want to change, we need to choose Jesus again and again, drip by drop.  We choose Him in the easy and the hard times. In the sunshine filled moments and in the darkest ones when I think God doesn't care or has left me or even when I want to walk away from Him.  I choose to stay.  I choose Jesus and His truth over and over until my mind becomes saturated with it and that is what will carry me in the darkness and flow out of me because that is what I am filled with, saturated.

We choose Jesus by believing Him and what He says.  Read the Bible for it contains the words of Jesus.  The words that are healing and life-giving and will slowly, drip by drop, clean up your mind

The same is true for you.  It's not always easy and you won't always feel like it or want to - do it anyway - choose Jesus.  That's really all you need to do when you don't know what to do because Jesus will heal you with His miraculous healing touch.  He will touch you in the depths of your soul and in your mind with His truth and where healing matters the most.

Our thoughts affect our actions, so choose carefully what you dwell on.

Choosing Jesus is - your faith.  And your faith is what saves you.  Choose Jesus and He changes you. We choose Jesus by believing Him and what He says.  Read the Bible for it contains the words of Jesus.  The words that are healing and life-giving and will slowly, drip by drop, clean up your mind. Like the woman whose blood flowed for twelve years.  When she choose Jesus, she reached for Him and believed that He could heal her.  He did and she was physically healed right away.  But Jesus tells her that her faith has made her whole, healing her where it mattered the most.  Again, choosing Jesus is your faith and it is a faith that will carry you and save you, wholly.