Waiting holds a tension. On one hand we have the anticipation, the sharing of a desire with one we know has the answers or can help. We take the risk to expose what we hold within our heart.
It also holds disappointment. Disappointment when that desire or expectation wasn't met in the way I wanted or thought it should be done or isn't happening at the speed I'd like for it to happen.
As I reflect back over the years of my life, as a young child waiting for Christmas morning, we had a tradition in my family. Mom and Dad would put out the gifts out on Christmas Eve after we all went to bed. Oh and yes, there was to be NO TOUCHING anything on the stack of gifts that was sitting on the living room floor days before.
Then Christmas morning the first person awake would rouse the others, but we had to wait till at least 5:00 to wake anyone!
Oh, the anticipation of finally seeing where all the packages went and on whose pile they landed! And there was always the small plate of fruit and candy that graced the pile.
Would we get what we wanted?
Or as a young child waiting for a friend, or relative, or grandparent; standing at the window with longing and anticipation for their arrival. "When are they coming?" the small voice calls out. "How long?"
In John 11, Mary and Martha felt this deeply as they asked for Jesus to come because their brother was sick. They knew Jesus as Healer, believing He could heal. They spoke their desire and it was met with silence. They waited. Jesus did not come. Lazarus died.
Still no Jesus.
They were not aware of what Jesus told the disciples. They were not privy to what Jesus was thinking and the conversation He had with them. Anything greater than the healing of their brother that they requested, was not on their radar.
They turned to the right source, the correct place that we should - to Jesus and yet, disappointment was felt deeply in the waiting and the loss.
As Jesus and the disciples return, Martha goes out to meet Jesus. Disappointment lines her words as she tells Jesus, "If You had been here, my brother would not have died." and yet, she still holds faith along with it, "Even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You." (John 11:21-22)
There is more dialogue, but the story ends with Jesus calling Lazarus forth from the grave that he had been in for four days. And because of this greater declaration of healing and power, many believed in Jesus.
Now this is not prescriptive to our deaths and hard but it is for our awareness that in our waiting and the disappointment we feel, anticipation can take its place.
We can shift our thoughts from how it's turning out to "I wonder what God is up to?" The tightrope of waiting takes a loosening as we experience the greatness of God at the graves of our dreams, ideas, and desires. It loosens as we learn to know the God who holds all things in His hands and may at times declare, "I am glad I was not there so that you may believe. Let us go to him."
When faith is added to the waiting, we can stay with an open hand and a wonder of what is God up to.
We can rise as Martha did to meet Jesus, still going to Him along with the disappointment. Hope, faith, trust, run parallel with the unmet longings and dashed desires as we learn to know the goodness of God at the graves we experience.
Jesus told them to remove the stone and with horror Martha declared, "That by now there will be a stench since Lazarus has been in there for 4 days." Jesus again reminds her of her faith and in believing she would see the glory of God. So they removed the stone. (John 11:41)
And with faith, we remove the stone. We remove whatever is keeping us from seeing the glory of God. It may be the stone of fear, doubt, anger, unforgiveness, etc. and with faith and belief we open up and wait to see the glory of God.
No resurrection can take place unless there is a death. (Ouch, as I write those words.) The darkest nights and deepest disappointments can give way to the glorious resurrection of anticipation, hope, and Jesus Himself.
