The Unfair and Radical Grace of Forgiveness and Its Impact

 

The word - forgiveness - stirs up various forms of reactions.  There are many thoughts, books, topics, etc about the subject of forgiveness.  I acknowledge there are nuances to this but in all of the dynamics and reactions, it is a command, a principle that Jesus talked about and lived out and we do well to pay attention to this unfair and radical grace.

It's a grace we all like to receive.  We want to be forgiven by someone.  We don't want others to hold our shortcomings, our mistakes, our failures against us.  We want redemption for ourselves. 

As we look at the parable of the unforgiving servant, we see how hard it is to give the same gift of grace to the very people we do life with.  We give judgement instead.

This story of the servant, in Matthew 18:21-35, who was forgiven his debt by the king, in return demanded another servant to pay all to him invites us to see what happens when we don't allow the grace of forgiveness to truly impact our own heart.  Jesus tells this parable in response to Peter's question of how often should we forgive a brother.

For those who may never have heard or read the story I invite you to read it for yourself and between you and God find your way in your own story of pain that you are walking through and through the release of making someone pay - find your own freedom.

There was a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants and discovered a man who owed an enormous debt of money, millions.  The man had no means with which to pay all that he owed and declared for more time to pay it all.  It says the lord or the king felt compassion.  In that compassion space, the king chose to release the servant from needing to pay.  

Oh, I can only imagine the relief and joy that the servant felt, but really, I wonder if he felt that at all.  Because it says that as he left he went out and found another servant who owed him money, not nearly as much as the debt that was just released for himself.  He demanded the fellow servant to pay all - NOW!   The man pleaded with him for more time to pay, but no, into prison he was put.

The king upon hearing of this treatment was upset and then handed the unforgiving servant over to authorities until payment should be made.

I am not going to tell you the how and when of forgiveness.  Each of our stories is a process.  

Maybe it will help to view forgiveness as a release.  It's a release of a debt that someone should pay.  We humans don't do well with doling out justice.  It so quickly and easily becomes about revenge and making the person pay.

To be honest, forgiveness, I don't completely understand with my human mind.  It feels like when I release the demand that justice be served I am letting someone off the hook and that feels unfair.  But then I remember how I like forgiveness and so - in reality - I am left off the hook and I appreciate that.  

I also am realizing that anytime Jesus tells us to do something and it doesn't make sense to me - then it must be the radical and upside down way of Jesus.  I am learning to trust Him and choose His ways.  They lead to life.

Forgiveness is releasing revenge.

Forgiveness is trusting God with justice.

Forgiveness is not demanding justice to be paid because far too often and usually justice is never enough.

Forgiveness is weeping with the injustice and pain of brokenness here on earth.

Forgiveness is holding out my hands to God - opening them up and releasing all that hurts to receive His radical grace of strength and grace to forgive.

Timothy Keller states that human forgiveness is completely dependent on divine forgiveness.  And I totally agree with that.  My own experience of grace impacting my heart deeper, influenced my thoughts toward others, which in turn, affected my actions.

I have said it before and will say it again, "You cannot give what you do not have.  You give what you hold inside."

To forgive in any way and to any extent, we must first experience His love and forgiveness that changes us.

If I have water in my bucket, water will come out.  If there is grape juice in my glass, grape juice I will drink. So, to echo what Timothy said is, yes, any amount of releasing and living out this unfair and radical grace, we must first of all experience it in our own hearts to be able to trust God with any outcomes.

I've had my own "Gethsemane " moments of wrestling to live God's ways.  The only way possible to love and forgive and offer grace is first of all to understand what Jesus has given us and to receive it with gratefulness. And then offer that to each other.

Forgiveness is the releasing of any 'debt' which breaks a link in the chains - most of all in our own lives.  We will either transform pain or transfer pain to others. 

Unforgiveness, holding on to justice before healing will transfer the pain.  

In a way that is mysterious to my human mind, forgiveness actually releases me to truly live - therefore transforming the pain.

Forgiveness is not overlooking something.  Actually in the story the judge named how much the servant owed him.  It's okay to say what hurt and what the wrong is.

Forgiveness is not saying it doesn't hurt anymore.  

Forgiveness is acknowledging the hurt but releasing the demand that the offender pay and turning my heart and mind to the truths of God.  He says, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay" Hebrews 10:30.

Davey Blackburn when asked how he could forgive the ones who murdered his wife, he said that it was when he saw the offenders as humans, boys with stories.

Forgiveness can only take place when we allow ourselves to empathize (yes, I know... so unfair) for the one who hurt us.  When we can separate their actions from who they are - created beings by God, the same as me, loved with a purpose; compassion space is created.  Empathy is recognizing that "I too have wronged someone, somewhere, and sometime" and allowing that human piece to be a part of the picture.

Allowing compassion to enter our heart requires us to trust God for the justice due and realize what unfair and radical gift of forgiveness I too have received.  To see the one who hurt you as a human, as one who has value because they are created and loved by God, enables compassion to enter your heart.

This does not mean we ignore, brush over as if the pain doesn't matter, forgiveness actually names it but then releases it into the hands of Jesus for the truest form of justice.

Hurt people hurt people.  As Jesus spoke on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do".  

Forgiveness is actually more for ourselves than for the offender.  It releases us from the chain of what happened to move forward, heal, and live abundantly.

It is an unfair and radical grace that Jesus calls us live out.  It's one I like for myself and so I am required to pass it on.

The Radical and Foundational Workings of God's Love

 

I find it deeply weighty and hard to put into words the radical and upside down ways of God that Jesus lived, modeled, and called us to live out.  Maybe the reason it's so hard to wrap around with words is because they are so beyond our human comprehension and in all reality, don't make sense to this human way of thinking.

Why would anyone die for someone else let alone a sinner?  Underserving and unfair.

Why should we give to gain?  Ridiculous.  When I give I don't have it.

Why forgive the one who misused us, hurt us, and caused us pain of any sort?  Shouldn't that have justice and revenge?

I am left without words and yet, the work that God has done and continues to do in my own heart bear testimony that the radical love and grace to me - is life-changing and a work in progress (not a destination or attained, but attaining).

The one thing that surprised me the most was this very reality.  In my heart and mind I carried the injustices, the pain inflicted by people (which happens to all of us), health issues, and so on.  As I carried that, I also carried disappointments, revengeful thoughts of wanting others to hurt, I wanted life to be different.  One morning, in desperation as I cried out to God, the thought entered the chaos of pain - Is God a healer?  I responded with a yes.  Then if God is enough and a healer, then it can happen without anyone else doing 'the right thing' as I saw it.  

That morning began a journey of learning to know more of God as God invites us to in Matthew 11:29 - to learn of Me and I will give rest to your soul.

I also wondered that morning and in the days after, 'what is truth?'  I kept coming back to the words of God and so I chose them again and again, until one day I realized how deeply embedded in my heart they had become.

As I reflect back over the past six years the one thing that keeps coming to me is - God's love.  Ephesians 3:17 talks of being rooted and grounded in God's love.

I also realized how I started to see the world around me and the people in it, differently.  It changed the way I viewed situations and others.

Until God's love impacts our heart and becomes our foundation, we cannot truly love others.  As we receive God's love in the truest form of grace, then and then only will it change our interactions and enable us to give love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness to others.

Our human interactions are very dependent on our divine relationship!  We cannot give what we do not have within.

So, I am going to start with the radical display of God's love for each of us.  (Some of us just don't realize how much He loves us and in what way He does...)

As I think of grace, mercy, kindness, forbearance, forgiveness I come to realize that none of this is even possible unless I am first impacted with the love of God.

As I referred to Ephesians 3:17, let's take a look into this passage starting in verse 14.  Paul is praying a prayer for the Ephesian people that is for you and me today.

Ephesians 4:14-21

14) For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father, 

15) from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, 

16) that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man;

17) so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,

18) may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 

19) and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fulness of God.

20) Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,

21) to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

When a plant roots itself in the dirt, it grows.

A tree can withstand massive storms when it is healthy and firmly rooted. (Yeah, I know - tornadoes and hurricanes can uproot even the most stable tree.)

To grow a flower, any fruit, or to produce any vegetable there has to be a root system.

If we are to love, offer mercy and grace, forgive those who wronged us etc it must start with our root system and that is - God's love for us personally.  Not for the next person.  Not for anyone else.  I must receive God and let His love change me as it roots and grounds my heart in Him.

So, we ask the question - "How can this be done?  How?"  

Since God is love, pure, and wholly love, we start with Him.  It says in Matthew 11:28-29, "Come, to Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls."

We learn from Jesus.  We give as we have received.  We start with truth - the truth of God's love.

Jesus' love is unconditional; given while we were still sinners.  What anyone in the past has done, never altered God's love.  Actions caused results and consequences but never altered the truth that God loved that person.

Since He says He is faithful, the same yesterday, today, and forever; this same truth is for you and me today.  What we do or don't do does not alter God loving us.

When that gripped my heart, it altered my decisions and choices.

In the case of a misstep or wrong choice, the truth of God is - upon confession there is forgiveness and no condemnation in Jesus.

When slander and false accusations are said about me, the truth of God is - Jesus knows what that is like and in Him we can find refuge and a defense.

When I felt alone and missed by those around me, the truth of God is - He says He will never leave us or forsake us.

There is a truth and a promise of God's for each and every situation and belief and lie in your head and heart.  The truths are endless and when they grip your heart, the pain finds it's healing in the hands of a radical loving God.

Hurt people hurt people.  So, in the same way, healed people help bring healing.  God's foundational love in our own heart, does just that, brings healing and can enable us to rise above.

To love others in the radical way of Jesus requires the divine interruption within our own heart.

Love is not the gushy, feel-good, all-is-well type of love.  No, love in the way of Jesus causes us to sacrifice, to give when we want to retaliate, to find Him above all else.

I Corinthians 13 known as the love chapter and used in many weddings of ages past is really written for the people of the church, Jesus' people.  Really??  Why do we need those words?  Should we not just have it down pat after saying yes to Jesus?

We don't have to go far from our own house to realize we still continue to inhabit a human body and human way of thinking that needs a continuing saving and redeeming.

What's your first reaction when overlooked for a team, job, or friendship?

What's your first response when someone speaks untruth about you?

What rises up within at any offense or irritation from the person you do life with?

For me, it's not very often the Jesus' way.  Yes, I am learning and growing in this area, but it always comes with a wrestling and a surrendering to do it the way of Jesus.

To not retaliate and let vengeance in His hands.

To forgive, laying down my stones of blame and revenge.

To walk another mile when I am weary and want to walk away.

To face the one who betrays and denies with value and truth, as Jesus did.

To be able to utter the words along with Jesus, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

As the list in I Corinthians says - love doesn't keep track of wrongs, it rejoices and weeps with those who do so, it's not arrogant but kind.  Love bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things.

How can I forbear, show compassion, forgive, and be gentle, putting on love as it tells us in Colossians 3:12-14 - again and again?

(Again, this is not condoning abusive situations or unhealthy ones; but to make wise decisions and not based on revenge or unforgiveness but with the wisdom and direction of God.)

This I cannot do - of my own strength or human understanding.  It is only as I choose and allow the mind of Christ to invade my own human mind and way of thinking.  It is to let Jesus transform and change me from the inside out!

Jesus never retaliated or spoke unkindly about anyone or to anyone.  It was always truth with love, inviting even the Pharisee and Publican to know Him.  His many parables were a way of showing who He was and inviting them to let His truths change them.  For some it did, but for many it did not.  

Truth with love always gives two options - either you will receive it and let it change you or you will walk away and it will be a heavy weight and to continue to resist it will cause anger to rise up within you till in your own way, you cry, "Crucify!"

God's love is found in the truth of who He is.  It is given freely and without condition.  The only condition it has is that it requires us to receive it by learning more of the One who loves us and letting it impact our heart.  If it hasn't changed you then you have not received it.

Will you receive it, letting it interrupt your pain with the truth of who He is?  To receive it you must lay down the stone of blame toward whoever is behind your pain.  As long as you hold onto your expectations of how you want something done or how it should be, you cannot receive anything else, including God's love.  To open your hand is to give opportunity to the greatest and most radical grace of the love of God.  (Let me insert here and acknowledge that to open your hand is an excruciating step and process to our human heart and mind's way of thinking.  It's half the battle.  But let me tell from experience, it's worth the risk to open up the hand and let go of all that is heavy to receive the freedom and love of God.)

Fear loses its grip as God's love grips your heart.  You will then have a foundation, a source to give to others.

God shows you how to love by loving you.

His two commandments are first - to love Him with all of you - your heart, mind, soul, and strength.  The second - to love others as you love yourself.

You cannot give what you do not have.  You get by receiving and knowing God's love - the radical and foundational grace of all.

Living God's Radical Way Requires God's Transforming Power

 

Many years ago, I did this as a visual, a reminder
of the grace and forgiveness I have received that needs
to be extended to the one who hurt me.  (Maybe this
visual will help you, too.)

The three years that Jesus spent teaching and healing were filled with showing us the way of the kingdom of God.  He spoke often of the kingdom of God.  

Jesus came to show us who God is.  He told the people of that day that you can only know God and come to Him through Himself.

The way of God that Jesus spoke of and showed us was a way that was directly opposite of our human way of doing things.

The people wanted rescued from the fierce and cruel Roman rule.  They were promised a Messiah that would free them.  They had their own ideas of what and how that should look like.

They were met head on with a different way.  Jesus, the Rabbi, the Messiah, spoke -

He spoke of not retaliating, eye for eye, but whoever slaps you turn the other cheek.

If someone takes your coat, give him your cloak also.

Their custom was that if a Roman asked you to carry something for him you were only obligated to go one mile.  Jesus said, "Take it two miles".

Jesus told the people that His kingdom doesn't fight.

He said that to give is to receive.

Jesus said to love others as He has loved us.

And one of the hardest maybe and one that feels so very unjust is - to forgive.  Not once. Not seven times - but 70 x 7.  More than we will keep track of is the point, again.  And again.

(Now I am in no way advocating abuse or letting someone run over you and Jesus isn't either.  I believe this is a way that Jesus was saying - show love, grace, and compassion.)

I sit with these statements and realize an underlying theme that my heart wrestles with - the radical ways of God that Jesus lived, modeled for us, and told us to go and do likewise as He has done, is beyond my human capacity.  I must know Him and His transforming power to be able to go and do.

As I wrestled with this - feelings of unfairness and unjustness come rising to the surface.  Don't we need to do justice?  

I don't get very far as I learn of Jesus and look at the way He lived to know and to realize that no, I don't get to live with how and what I think justice should look like.  His ways are radical and don't make sense to my human way of thinking.  And isn't that the point?!  Jesus' way is opposite to the way of the human.  Jesus' way is opposite and in direct conflict to the enemy - Satan.

Jesus' way cannot be lived out, followed, or given to another human being unless He first impacts our own heart.

We absolutely will not love, forgive, or go beyond if it is up to us.  (Or am I alone in this??)  I don't think so.  We fight the 'Romans' in our lives.  We lash out to those who hurt us, giving eye for eye and even with a bit more punch.  Well, maybe we don't do it so outright.  It just may be a bit more subtle, slyly for we are Christians, aren't we?  We are only standing for truth, we might say.

As the woman taken in adultery, dragged by men of religion to be condemned.  They held the stones, ready to hurl them to the woman.  By their law they could.  They had every right to throw the stones.

But they asked Jesus what they should do to this woman. (John 8:4)

Jesus doesn't say a word but stoops.  He stoops down and touches the ground and begins to write in the dirt of the earth.

As the words take form, they persist in asking Him what to do.

Jesus rises up and straightens Himself and speaks the words, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

Then Jesus stoops again and writes some more.

And slowly, but surely the leaving begins.  First the oldest one leaves and then the next one, followed by another - until -

Jesus once again straightens Himself and turns to the woman crouching before Him.  He asks her, "Woman, where are they?  Did no one condemn you?"

And she replies, "No one, Lord."

Jesus then tells her, "I do not condemn you, either.  Go.  From now on do not sin any longer."

Radical.  (Yes.)

Unfair.  (Most certainly)

We do not have recorded the words Jesus wrote in the dirt of the earth.  There are many thoughts on that.

I believe it was in some way words of grace.  Their sin mentioned along with the grace extended to them.  For in the presence of grace and remembering our receiving of it, stones are laid down.

When we hold stones of judgement, (however right they are), compassion cannot happen.  In the presence of Jesus and when we remember how we have received His mercy, grace, and forgiveness we will lay down our stones of blame, justice, and revenge.  When justice and judgement is laid down there is room for compassion.

Honestly, the only way to live the radical ways of Jesus is for His grace to impact my own heart.  I cannot give what I do not have.

This takes us to the two greatest commandments that Jesus told us.  The first is to love Him with our all of ourselves - our heart, mind, soul, and strength.  The second one is to love our neighbor as ourselves.

You and I cannot give what we do not own.  Unless God's grace, mercy, love, and forgiveness grip my heart I will cast stones and compassion will not take place.

If you wrestle with this way, you are not alone.  I have.  I will admit to that.  It is not my way naturally.  As Jesus wrestled in Gethsemane to do the way of God, you and I have our own 'Gethsemane' moments of wrestling to do the will and way of God.

This is where the power of the resurrection enables us.  Because of Jesus, when we choose Him, we find our way through the garden of Gethsemane and as we face the 'Judas' in our own stories- the ones who hurt us'.

When we love and forgive we are showing who God is.  The only way possible to love and forgive and offer grace is first of all to know God.  It's more than knowing about Him.  It's knowing Him deep within.  It's understanding what Jesus has given to us personally and allowing it to change us. Then and only then do we have something to offer to each other.  Through that understanding, Jesus' transforming power enables us to live His radical ways.