Something I've been pondering is - why do I want to fix situations, people, etc? Why is it so easy for me to slip into to fix it mode when someone is hurting, struggling, and wrestling?
I wonder where you fit into this question and if this is something you may wrestle with too. I wonder because "Am I alone in this?" (I doubt it.)
Then I thought about Jesus and I looked at His life, the words that He said, and the ways He lived. I began to realize that Jesus was a savior but not a fixer. He never stepped in to do the work for the person. He always invited them into a relationship. He always invited them to participate.
Sometimes He asked if they wanted to be healed. Other times they were to do what He told them to do.
The disciples wanted him to do something about the Roman rule. They wrestled with the lack of Jesus stepping in and changing the course. Sometimes they would 'do' something and Jesus would tell them that is not His way. It took them a long time to understand the deeper reason of why Jesus was walking on the earth. What He was really wanting to save them from, and it was more than rescuing them from their situation, He wanted them to understand the power they have in Him. Through Jesus Himself they could live differently in the midst of their situation.
When the rich young ruler came to Jesus and asked what he could do to be saved, Jesus pointed to something he held very dearly, and it was his wealth. Jesus left him walk away when he chose to do so. Jesus did not run after him or try to adjust the way he was to take. No, Jesus gave space for the man to choose without fixing it.
The Father gave his young son the inheritance he asked for. What a slam to the Father! After all, he was still alive. The Father gave, left the son go, watching him take steps away from himself. Here is the part that I sit with - the Father never went to the pigpen to get his son but waited and watched every day for him.
So the next question to myself is, "If Jesus doesn't step in to fix our situations, why do I?"
Is that the enemy wanting me to be like Jesus, the very thing he attempted to do? Is that the enemy's sly way of weaseling into my mind to destroy my life and giving us a sense of false power? Is it the enemy's cunning way to destroy and kill Jesus' breath of life within me as I look around and want to set right the chaos, fix the wrong, do something about the mess ups in the situation, and even try to inform others on what to do?
Because I'll be honest. I don't like chaos. I want things to be smooth. I want things to flow. The chaos can be overstimulating to my brains at times plus I hate pain. I hate to see someone suffer and so I want to step in and do something.
Now before you go into the other ditch and shout, "But we can't let them get away with it! Or maybe it feels like we just sit back and do nothing." It's definitely not becoming a doormat or an observer. That is a topic that I'm not going to address in this article. Waiting on God and leaning on Him is not a passive action.
What I'm slowly beginning to realize is that when I do something for the person they don't participate in the redemption. They don't participate in the end product. A saving of our souls requires a participation, with us acknowledging our own need and our situation.
When God went looking for Adam and Eve in the garden, that fateful day with the choice that they made to eat the fruit, He found them. His first response was to ask them, "Where are you?"
God didn't ask because He didn't know where they were, after all, He found them. He wanted them to recognize and name what they were doing and where they were. Adam responded with how he felt. He felt shame.
In naming our situations, we then can see our need. Seeing our need, we then by God's grace can see what He is inviting us into. Then God can show us the ways that we need to go. Like Jesus so often said to the person who repented and responded to His invitation - "Go, and sin no more." Go and live differently, live changed. Sometimes He asked the person, "What do you want Me to do? Or, Do you want to be healed?"
If you look at the way that Jesus touched, saved, and healed people, it was when they recognized their need or were made aware of their situation and need. Naming the need and asking Jesus to touch them is where they found their deepest healing. It's where they found the healing that mattered most. Yes, we have many miracles where Jesus did the physical healing. But for some, like the nine lepers, that's where it stopped. The one who returned to Jesus to give thanks, is the one who recognized who Jesus was and received a deeper healing. Jesus told him, "Your faith has made you well." Luke 17:19
So then I asked myself, instead of fixing it for somebody, what is my response? How do I enter into the pain and journey of another person?
Fixing something means I take the broken pieces and do something with them. Fixing, indicates, I am responsible. That is not my job! I found myself relaxing as I realize that I don't need to fix it.
And yet I found myself freaking out, because I realized that when Jesus didn't fix something, there was disappointment because of the missed expectations. The responses were varied when disappointment was felt. Many times there was anger in the hearts of so many people.
The realization began to settle in, that when I don't fix it for someone, very likely, I will get the same response.
Along with that though, there was a sense of freedom. It freed me to be, to stay, to speak life and that is love because it wasn't up to me to hold the weight of brokenness. I was free to be, free to love the person because I no longer had to have the right words. I no longer had to get it right and I could stay. All I needed to do was to partner with Jesus, leaning on Him. It gave me the strength to look beyond and gave perspective to the ways I could help. In some ways I get to participate with others, calling them and reminding them to remember who Jesus is. But I cannot do the work. That is their choice.
Most of all, I could pray for them, lifting them to God, our Father, the One who is the Saviour and not a fixer. Jesus, the One who came to walk with us, took on humanity to be with humanity in our brokenness. He is the One who came to show us the way to live, yoked with Him. It is a connection to Him that frees us to live and to love. It is a relationship with Jesus and a surrendering to His way and understanding that sometimes, for redemption's sake, the loving act we are called to do is for the very ones who hurt us.
This is no 1-2-3 list of always knowing what to do, but wisdom, discernment, and clarity comes as we stay with Jesus, leaning on Him and most of all, knowing who Jesus is to us and for us. Jesus has got it! Jesus has got us all and isn't stressing out, so why am I?
When I understand who Jesus is and who I am in connection to that, I have a clearer understanding in my relationship with others.
Who is Jesus to you and for you? Do you know him? Is He more and deeper to you than just knowing about Him?
Whatever hard situation you are in today, Jesus knows He alone can truly meet the need that you have. When you choose Jesus, you can take Him with you wherever you go. When you know Him and He resides in your heart and soul, then, you have Someone who can give you wisdom, grace and discernment each step of the way. It just may come in a different way and package than you would like for it to come.
What do we do with the times we feel silence from God? Mary and Martha felt that very keenly as they asked Jesus to come and heal their brother Lazarus.
I recognize that we experience silences, we experience times like Job did when he cried out to God and he felt the silence deeply as he sat in his pain. Job cried out God, "Where are you? My bones, my body is breaking!" "I cry out to Thee for help, but Thou dost not answer me; I stand up and Thou dost turn Thy attention against me." Job 30:20
The mourning in our pain, the lament is necessary. But can we, like Job, continue to stay with Jesus? Job 13:15, "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him." Job did not ignore the pain. He also knew where to go with it - to Jesus.
It's so easy to go to people to fix, to correct, to make amends for brokenness. Yes, there is a place for apologies, for restitution, for listening and caring, etc. But truthfully, in many painful situations, apologies, justice, and restitution rarely take away the pain. Even the most caring person cannot do the saving, we can only be with the one grieving.
When I have a better understanding of this, I have less 'fixing' actions and more 'trusting' God responses.
Fixing - is me doing the work, what needs to be adjusted.
Fixing - is me doing what I think the situation needs for the other person or for myself. The other person doesn't need to participate.
That's a heavy weight to bear.
Trusting God has got it - is me releasing control.
Trusting God has got it - requires me to know Him as my own source of saving grace.
Trusting God has got it - means I believe His words and that He is the Saviour.
Being saved, is a participation. I must participate with Jesus in my healing. Others must do the same.
We are not the savior or the fixer, but Jesus is. We can participate in someone's journey by remembering who Jesus is for us and inviting others to Jesus.
Remembering who Jesus is and who I am, frees me to love. It frees me to be with the person instead of carrying the weight of searching for words to say. It frees me to sit with and gives clarity to when words may help.
Maybe it is our participation to love when it's the hardest to do so that sets in motion the wheels of healing. Maybe it's understanding that the person who is in pain will act out of that pain. We very likely will want to pull back because it hurts, or we think "why in the world did they do that?"
Leaning on Jesus allows us to participate and helps us to see beyond the actions of others. Jesus saw beyond the situations and actions in all areas, calling out the hypocrisy in religious leaders, touching blind, lame, and leprous for healing. He spoke beneath to the heart as He sat with the woman who had five husbands at the well. He wrote words to the ones who held stones and ready to hurl them at the adulterous woman. He looked beyond the action of Judas and Peter and felt the sting and ache of brokenness and yet offered forgiveness. To the soldiers coming in the garden to get Him, He went and even healed the ear of the high priest's servant who Peter struck with a sword.
Loving another is seeing Jesus and looking beyond with wisdom. Loving another is only possible when I let God's love change me and loosen my grip on what justice and healing brokenness looks like.
Letting go of being a fixer is recognizing who Jesus is for myself and for the other person then I am free to participate with Jesus. I have more clarity on what love really looks like in a situation and relationship. Sometimes the "what to do" is simply staying and not running from the hard, whether it's in my life or in someone else's.
It's not up to me. I am called, invited to lean on Jesus and to trust Him, not fix.
I let out my breath and inhale a deep breath of rest.
Jesus is my savior and yours. He is not our fixer. We must participate with him by recognizing and owning our need, not blaming. Yes, there are people that are responsible for what we experience, but even in that we must own how it has impacted us. Jesus wants to save us. He wants us to know just like He wanted the disciples and others to know, that in Him we have the strength, power, and wisdom to live in and above our experiences. He wants to heal us where it matters most. That means he doesn't always fix our situation like we want Him to. He wants us to recognize Him and worship Him.
When Jesus doesn't fix it, we can get angry. Angry with the missed expectations, angry at God. We feel helpless, it doesn't make sense, and if we're honest, we want it fixed. That doesn't require much of anything from me.
Trusting God when He doesn't make sense is not an easy step in that moment. Believing God wants to save us, requires us to release how and what we want done. Trusting Him is a step in the process of being saved, of surrendering, of letting go so we can be open to the deeper need and healing we may have.
When we stay with the Way, Jesus, we find our way. His way leads us to life and frees us to be. Jesus wants to save us in deeper ways that is often not from our circumstances, but within them. With Jesus, we have the power to live alive and free, within any circumstance.
God has got it!
I can relax.
So, now my questions are - Why do I say what I do? Is it from the posture and place of knowing who Jesus is? or Is it trying to prove who I am and the knowledge I have to correct the situation? Is it from a posture of a more healed place or one of trying to remove chaos? Is it from the deeper awareness that God has got it or am I holding the weight of trying to fix the world around me?
I'll leave you with words of Job and Peter -
Job answered the Lord, "I know that Thou canst do all things... therefore I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me which I did not know... I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees Thee:" Job 42:1-5
Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life." John 6:68
Theirs is the invitation for us to hear the words of Jesus - "Go, your faith has made you whole or well."
