A Prayer for the Wearying Heart

Recently I wrote a series about the seasons and how they parallel to our lives.

This morning as I was sitting and once again watching the snow fall on this first day of March, I thought about how the winter gets long.  We're ready for warm and spring, but the snow keeps falling and the winds keep blowing.

And yet, I see the beauty of the moment.  The world is white once again.

Isn't that so true in life???
The 'winter' keeps on...

The prayers are still unanswered...
The prayer for wisdom is still given no direction...
That relationship is still floundering and one wonders what to do...
The grief still lingers...
You put your 'winter' here ___________...

We're ready for change.  for it to be changed.  our hearts grow weary and faint.  My eyes fail to see the beauty of this moment...

That's when we still lean toward Jesus.  We turn our eyes to Him, even in the midst of pain and questions; for the pain and questions don't change the character of God.

He is still Love.
He is still God.
And He still is enough.
He is Wisdom.
He is Strength.

I find myself here this morning.
I find myself reaching out to Him, the only One who embodies Strength and Peace.
The One who says, "Come unto Me and find rest..."

Rest from the storm.
Rest from striving.
Rest from being strong.
Rest...

And this where I pray...  (it's a bit raw, but maybe that just where you are too... there is freedom in telling God about it...)

O Lord,
Like the snow fallling --
is there any beauty in all of my mess??

Open my eyes to see it, because right now all I want is change...
for my circumstances to be different. for someone else to change.

I bring to You my anger, frustrations, and wounds --
for You said, "Come unto Me and find rest."

But are You really strong enough or will you run away from it all?  Will it be too much and then You react to all of my mess??

(I will never leave you nor forsake you.)

O God.  
Help my struggling heart that wants rest, to believe.
Open my eyes to see You and the beauty that may lie beneath the struggle.
May I have Your strength to trust You,
because I am weak and tired of fighting.

(and this is where I realize there may be a clue... Tired of fighting my fears. tired of the loneliness.  tired of the ache.  and tired of the push-pull to believe and find God in the middle of it all)

And so, Lord,  I let go...  as scary as that is...
I let go to find You...
To find You big enough and strong enough.
To know that Your love and grace is sufficient. for today. for this moment.
I place my hand in Yours. to keep me. to hold me. to search me.  and to guide me.

Thank You, Lord.
I love You...

Psalm 139 has been a passage of Scripture that I have read over and over this week because I asked God what I should do.
It speaks of God knowing us and seeing us.  We can't get away from Him.  He sees.  He knows.
It speaks of how important we are to Him, the One who made us.
And it speaks of the pain that David feels and the agony that goes with it.
But then the last two verses grab my attention...

Search me, O God, and know my heart; 
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

Wait a minute... people are after David.  They hate him and he ends this Psalm with search me?  try me?

Wow.  Yes, that is true.
Because in the middle of someone hurting us or circumstances being hard, in the middle of our winter, our hearts need to be searched.
Searched for any hurtful way that is in there.  It's all about redemption.
The redemption of my soul and often times it's the hard that brings it to the surface.
Unforgiveness. Anger.  Bitterness.  And simply the reminder that I am not god, I need the Living God.
But it's also the only way to practice the Jesus way...

Forgiveness.
Jesus died, forgiving all.  Even the ones who betrayed Him.  He was mocked while hanging on the cross.  He was in the minority, few people 'got' who He was.
Is my pain any different?  Am I called to anything less?

Love.
Love gives in spite of it being received.  Ouch.
Jesus gave His life.  gave His all.  for me. for you. for all.  He didn't hold it back, even though He struggled in the garden, He found God.  His strength to go on and face the days ahead.  He rose from His prayer ready to face what was ahead.
Is my situation any different?  Has God's strength been depleted for me? NO. it's not.

So, search me God. and ~
Lead me in the everlasting way.

Spring WILL COME. :)

(I stepped out to take a picture and what did I find?! --- a robin.  in the middle of a snow storm.  Now isn't that God!  My heart is finding Him and smiling.  May you find Him today.  In the middle of all your mess.)