Grief's Anguished Cry

 

Life is filled with daily miracles, joys that thrill our hearts and gifts to look for and to be grateful.  But the reality is that there are also those moments that forever change our course, happenings that blindside us and send us reeling. There is sickness, it's-not-supposed-to-be-this way scenarios, rejections, etc.  These moments leave us with a cry, a deep, heart-rending cry that ascends upward and into our Father's presence.

Jesus knows all about this.  He too, uttered a heart-rending cry that ascended up, up to His Father.

These cries come from deep within our souls and leave us gasping for air and searching for a footing, a place to ground our flailing emotions and land.  Sometimes it seems these cries go no further than the ceiling and other times they seem to connect with our Father.

Jesus knows such a moment.   A moment of 'where are you,God?'. A moment of silence, alone in grief, carrying a load all alone. 

He cried, "My God, my God, why did You forsake me?"

To me, this is one of the most heart wrenching moments when such a deep cry is left loose and goes up, upwards toward the Father. 

Scripture doesn't tell us God turned His face  away. It doesn't say He deserted His Son, but Jesus felt it, His cry echoes and our sometimes matches it. And sometimes it's as if our cry is only to be met with what feels like God turning His face away. 

Alone. Alone.

Why??  

As I sat with that, wrestling with a moment in my fifth grade year at school, wondering where was God in that moment, a moment that left its mark deeply embedded in my soul and I thought of the moment Jesus had on the cross.

I have often heard that this moment of being forsaken, a seemingly turning from His Son, Jesus, as He hung on the cross, was because of sin.

I wrestle with that and questioned it's validity as I thought of my day in school.  If God turned His face away, forsaking Jesus because He couldn't tolerate sin, would He have not done that me and to the many sacrifices that the children of Israel offered over the years?  Would He still not turn away from my sin and yours?

As I thought of Jesus seeing me that day, watching what was happening and knowing what it would do to my soul and what I would do with it for many years following, my question was/is, "How could He stand and watch it?"  "Why doesn't He intervene?"

There were a couple of thoughts that came to me... One is that hard, heartbreak, and sin is the natural consequence of choosing the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  Two, Jesus wants to redeem all things and sometimes the hardest situations are where we find Him the deepest and experience the deepest redemption.  But He can't stand to watch it happen, so it's as if He turns His face away. He doesn't intervene, but He doesn't leave. He stays because He knows and sees all things and desperatelylongs for vus to find Him in deeply redemptive ways. 

Jesus, hanging on the cross, in deep physical pain, had prayed hours before that this cup would pass from Him, this walking out a deeply hard path.  His heart-rending cry was left unanswered but it's result would be the last sacrifice needed for eternal redemption. It was a needed hard for an ultimate good, but it was also so hard for God to not intervene and I can only imagine, not to rescue Jesus. To rescue Jesus would have left us deserted.

Sometimes the best and good can only be by walking the path of hard hard.

I don't have many words for this or able to explain it, but I do know that out of my deep, deep unanswered cries and wondering where God was, I have found Him very deeply and personally, that I can see it all as a gift.  And I really wonder if that is why God sometimes seems to turn His face away and to us it seems like He doesn't care, when really, He cares oh so deeply.  It's a risk He takes because we may choose to allow it to turn our hearts away from Him instead of toward Him for redemption.

This Easter season, this remembering of His sacrifice, remember it is for our own redemption, initally when we choose to believe Him and accept His salvation, but also on-going, redeeming our hearts through each and every hard we experience and walk through.

Nothing happens that He can't redeem.  He wants our hearts.  Just like it was before the reaching and eating off the one tree Adam and Eve were told not too. Before the bite they walked with God.

God wants us to walk with Him and discover Him to be sufficient strength. To find Him as the Way, the Truth, and the Life. To let His love go deep in our souls, redeeming all things. 

God promised a Saviour the moment they took and ate the fruit. Jesus fulfilled that promise and I am deeply grateful for His redemption in so many ways. 

Jesus is our Advocate, our Immanuel, and He gets our deep heart rending cries that ascend up, up and up. Stay with Him, trusting and believing that He sees and hears. The Holy Spirit interprets our groaning cries. 

Jesus, our Redeemer, our Saviour, our Friend. 

Let This Mind Be in You

 

A few verses in Philippans chapter 2 often come to my mind.

The first eight verses have given me pause and pondering moments as I think of one phrase in particular... Let this mind (or attitude) be in you which was in Christ Jesus. 

Paul is writing and encouraging the people in the Philippian church to think of others, with humility.

Humility feels a bit elusive. I wonder if it's a little like happiness... the more you pursue it the further it gets away from you?

Is it something we pursue or is it a by product of something deeper??

Verse 5 is the verse that so often pops into my mind, "Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus." (NAS)  The following several verses continue to expound a bit about the attitude Jesus had.

v. 6 - Though Jesus existed in the form of God, He did not regard His equality with God a thing to be grasped.

v.7 - He emptied Himself (laying aside His privileges), taking the form of a bond-servant, being made in the likeness of man. 

Whew, man who chose to not listen?!  Man, whom He created, chose to take matters in their own hands?! He lays aside living in heaven and becomes a man, one of us! 

v.8 - He humbled Himself by becoming obedient.

And becoming one of us, was to give His life so we could see our way back to God. It cost Him His very breath!

What does humbling ourselves look like?  Is it beating ourselves down?

Sometimes it's helpful to look at the opposite and a proud person is a bit easier to define and one we all resist. 

A proud person is full of themselves, thinking they have got the answer. Pride puffs up and lifting one's self to be something. A person who grasps for something is not a restful or pleasant person to be with, for they often step on someone to reach for what they want.

So what is emptying ourselves look like? Do we badger ourselves and put ourselves in the dirt, lowering ourselves? Is this humility?? This is the opposite extreme of lifting up one's self and grasping for something. 

No, I don't think that's the answer either.  Both of these responses are focused on me, myself.  Neither one is a proper view of how and why God made us. God made all things good and as man we are to glorify Him, pleasing Him with our faith. 

Jesus chose to become man because His love is so deep for us that He was willing to give us and show us the way to His Father. 

All the great men and women in Scripture who made a positive impact kept and kept coming back to Jesus and they were ones who knew who they were in Christ and knew that each person they met was also valued by God.

Humility comes, not by doing something correctly, but adjusting our view of God and one's self and others. It's grasping a little bit more of the bigness of God instead of grasping for what?? More of what I think and or even have experienced?? I don't know, except I do know we humans are pretty quickly drawn to power.  And just like, wanting to be like God, was Lucifer's downfall; so we have the bent to be our own god.

It's a remembering that God is the kingpin, He has got it and not me!

We keep coming back to Jesus and the Father, realigning our focus on Who holds the answer. 

Humility flows as a result or an awareness, not a doing.  It's being with God and letting Him take care of any situation. 

Now, I'm not saying we sit back and do nothing.  No, I believe a proper awareness of who God is and who I am, will inspire me to be involved.  After all, we are His hands and feet. 

But I believe it will affect HOW we get involved and it will affect our response when our involvement and even our beliefs are met with resistance.

Saul was convinced that he was doing the right thing by spending much effort and time persecuting and killing Christians. He went in hot pursuit of them. 

Destruction. Fear. Rampage. 

When he met Jesus on the Damascus Road, that energy took a shift. He became a man of passion but you never see him demanding others to believe. 

Power. Boldness. But never demanding.

Saul was utterly convinced he was right in his persecution. 

He experienced a dramatic and obvious shift that not many of us experience to that degree.

He became just as convinced and passionate for Jesus as he had been against Him. There were many other men who were passionate and yet they didn't demand others to follow.

Jesus Himself, is the Way, Truth, and Life and even He, doesn't demand us to believe His words.

I see a thread... passion, boldness, power, strength; but never demanding or pushing. 

Pride demands, humility invites.

Pride pushes away, humility draws in. 

Pride says it's up to me, I've got to... humility says it's God, come and let's do this together. 

Time spent with Jesus will affect our everyday living. 

I don't know what you're thinking by now and I'm not even sure if I'm saying it correctly, but one thing I have sensed the Holy Spirit whispering in my heart, is, you aren't truth, Jesus is. 

And if Jesus allows choice, when He is Life and is the Way, and is Truth; then why do I get bent out of shape when someone isn't listening to me?

Humility. Emptying. Letting go because of God.

When we remember that Jesus is the Way, Truth, and Life, and not me, it brings a perspective that I have found vital as I walk in community and with a passion for truth. It shifts HOW I bring and present my beliefs, actions, concerns, etc.

*I can rest knowing that God has got it. He has promised to complete a good work and yes, that means He will as we look to Him. God won't let us be deceived if we truly want to know Him. 

*It's not up to me to make someone believe what I think is true. Yes, I said, I think, because the reality is I may have God's truth skewed a bit, no matter how much I believe God revealed this _______ to me. The lens through which I am understanding just may be cloudy. And I can hold what I believe to be true, with gentleness.

*When I remember and grasp a bit more, how much God loves me; then I understand it's the same for any other person and I can see beyond the difference, the pain, the hurt, a little bit more and find Jesus. 

One who sees Jesus, will see others as valuable and royal. When we remember that it is not we who hold the answers, it's Jesus, we can hold even the Truth that set us free with more grace and gentleness. Compassion. 

When we grasp a little bit more God's deep, simple, unconditional love for ourselves, then, that must spill over into our physical relationships, to all men. 

God, man. One is connected to the other. Loving God means, our convictions and beliefs should never be something that steps on another person, even if we are called on a different path. Jesus never used His Truth as a weapon or threat. He simply lived it and allowed people to choose.

The mind of Jesus is learned as we learn of Him, staying with Him who holds all things in His hand, and seeing how He emptied Himself for us. He is the One who holds the answers. The One who embodies truth. The One who IS the answer, the Way back to God. If He can empty Himself and doesn't demand us to know, believe, and follow Him, why should I think I can get the job done for others to believe Him??

Let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus and walk in gentle boldness for Him. 

Go in the confidence of His love for you and smile to the world around you. God holds us all.

The Valley

You know, as we walk along on this pathway called Life, there are the stretches that we walk along that are straight and smooth.  Then there are the hills that take work and leave us puffing and when we get to the top... oh, the view, it stretches out and on as far as one can see and makes the upward trek worth it.  Then below is the valley.  We view the valley from afar and enjoy the scene from above.  But if we continue to walk, we need to walk down the mountain and into the valley.  But sometimes we are catapulted into it or it blindsides us and those are the ones that leave us reeling for a time.  And sometimes they seem to stretch on forever.  And some do... losing a partner or a child, losing eyesight, paralysis, you name your pain...

The Valley.
The Storm.
The Harsh Winds that blow.

Situations. Valleys. That are forever etched in our hearts and lives leave us gasping and trying to find shelter.  It covers the path and we may find ourselves groping along and wondering who in the world is with us or even cares.  Even, where is my Abba Father??

How do we live in the midst of it all? 

Jennifer Rothschild wrote these words... "Even when we have faith, it's easy to feel fear when the shadows of uncertainty get thick. But, even though fear and faith can share the same heartbeat, they don't share the same perspective. That's why we need the faith perspective when it comes to our valleys. Fear focuses on the shadows. Faith focuses on the Shepherd.

Sister, even the darkest valleys aren't so dark when God is with us. He is light and His Word is a light to our paths. So ask Him for faith, and stay in His Word. When you do, your perspective will begin to change, your faith will grow, and you will see light even when your valley is dark."
"When you can't change your valley, change your perspective."

The time was right and those words penetrated my weary and faltering heart.  I still wasn't sure what to do with those words, but the Lord used them to paint a picture. (I think in pictures and analogies...)

In the valley there are stones, rough patches, but there are also flowers, ferns; maybe a brook running through and even a butterfly.  Some days the sun shines and I feel the warmth penetrate my body and I feel warm.  Other days the winds blow and I search for shelter, a place of  refuge and I huddle.

I felt the whisper deep in my heart... it all depends on what you want to focus on.  In the valley there are both... the hard and the joys.

To live one must grieve.  And to focus on the joys is not a denial of the hard.  And when you grieve the hard stuff... whatever you are facing... it frees you to live.

Romans 8:26 ... but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

Psalm 126:5-6  Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

Another picture I had was of stones...

I kept stumbling over the disappointments, the being misunderstood, the losses, and the pain and I saw them as stones (because that's what often trips us up) and some even felt like a boulder (because some are so big and heavy we feel crushed beneath the weight of pain and we can't see beyond it for the moment).  I kept stubbing my toes on them and not being able to see past others, and then...

I use stones in my flower beds as accents, so I felt the Lord 'whisper' move those stones to a place where they will be an accent and not a stumbling stone.  Someone even used the boulder as a landmark.

Romans 8:28  And all things work together for good to those who love God.

I wonder how it was put there.... I'm sure no man lifted it and set it there.  There was another force, another help to place it there.  I wonder if that can be the mountain that is moved by prayer and fasting???  Matthew 17:20-21 
All I know is that there are some pain and hard that healing really is only possible because of Jesus.

There is a way to live when one is so broken.  It is not to deny what is but it is to focus on what also is.
It is not to deny or stuff what hurts or is hard but the other side of the coin is the joys and beauty that is also present.  We get to choose what we focus on and to live the dance of the hard and the broken with the beauty and joys that are also present.

Ahh...  a strong breeze of hope swept over my soul and anchored it in the knowledge of God's love for me.  All the time.

Hope.
The Breath of Fresh Air.

Many times I felt as if God was in the room but not with me or near me.  God has given me the picture of a sheep huddled in a crevice or cave and He/Jesus is standing outside the doorway, protecting, seeing, while healing or quiet was happening inside... inside my heart.  Even though all I could see and feel was my pain and tears.  The aloneness and questions haunted my days. 

But like they say, hindsight is 20/20 or at least closer to that.  I am seeing God's presence framing the doorway as love.  His protection as a gift.  My heart swells with the confidence that He loves. Me.

One of Jesus' many promises....
Isaiah 43:1-3  ... Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the waters, they will not overflow (overwhelm) you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.  For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel your Saviour;

God be with, dear reader.  God IS with you whether you feel it or not.  I am saying it for you just in case your faith is weak.  And if it's strong, go forth and walk in that confidence.

The Call to Be in the Midst of a Doing World

This corner of the world has been a bit silent...  Many things have been happening and schedules a bit turned around since the dismissal of school days to exchange with summer days.

Days of summer have given to grass cutting, husband home and so off we do this or that, biking, chicken coop shopping, tending flower gardens, birthdays, and more.

So, how does one BE in the midst of DOING???

Being vs. doing is a passion of mine because I believe it's a passion of God's.  It's a call from the heart of God and I have caught a glimpse of it, but when there are moments of so much to do and you're in the midst of raising a family, there is simply MUCH TO DO.
When you are given the strength of youth, now is the time of doing and there is MUCH TO DO.

So, how does one BE in the midst of doing?  What is God really calling us to?

I honestly can say, I haven't got it down pat.  I struggle with the reality of staying in the presence of God and working (doing, busy, even good things for God) at the same time...

What I do know is, the name for God that I had recently was I AM.

I AM.
Nothing more and nothing less.  God is who He is.  He needs nothing more to prove anything.

When Moses was to go to the children of Israel and say "The God of your fathers hath sent me to you,"  and he wondered what he should say when they asked what is His name.
God replied, "I AM THAT I AM."

He is and nothing more.  He is ever present in the midst of life and ever aware of us.

Maybe it's our heart's attitude... Is it feeling a need to perform or is it simply resting in the finished work of our Saviour and learning more of Him??

Jesus also says in Matthew 11:28 -  "Come unto me,... and I will give you rest."

Rest.  Rest from what??  Come...

Mary obviously found it as she sat at Jesus' feet.  Present.  Listening.  Engaged to the voice of the Master.
And I believe Martha could have been listening and present while serving the people there.  But she got caught up in the doing-serving instead of the being-serving.

So, how do we live engaged, present in the midst of our MUCH TO DO??

A few points that I have found that help me are:
Intentional living.  Aware of more than what we are doing and remembering Who we are serving. Making a conscious effort to focus on my Saviour, right in the middle of it all.  And to those of us who are introverts to different degrees, that is a bit harder to do, for we like quiet to process.  Jesus said, "My grace IS sufficient for thee,"

Abide in the Vine.  John 15.  Stay connected to Jesus.  His Written Word tells us about Him and brings a refocus to our perspective as we absorb and inhale His Truths.  His Truth sets us free as we believe it.

Jesus says in John 7:38, "He that believeth on Me, out of his belly shall FLOW rivers of living water."
Jesus is the Living Water, and when He is a part of our breath, He will flow out.  It simply is.  It will happen.

I don't believe that being is equivalent to doing nothing.

Being/be, in the Webster's dictionary means to live; to exist; to have a place or position.
Also, a bit of English, being verbs take the place of the action verb.  They connect the subject to the rest of the sentence.

And so, for us, being takes place of doing, doing and it's our connection to do life.
To be. To be present.  To live. Being connects us to Jesus.  It connects us to life.

And when we become doers we forget who we are and wrap our identity in our doing.
We are because Jesus is.  And I believe we must bask in His Presence and snatch those moments to refocus on Him, who loves us.

Ephesians 2:8-9, For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;
not as a result of works, that no one should boast,

Am I rambling???  Perhaps. :)  But how does one describe or grasp this truth?

So don't forget to live today in the Presence of Jesus.  Inhale His Truths, absorbing them into your bloodstream, so they may flow out of you today.  Living Water - Jesus.

Be.
Be alive.  Be present.  Be real.  Be connected.
Be a be-doer. 

A bit from the prayer of Ephesians 3:14-21
... and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fulness of God.