Lament and Gratitude Are Held Within the Rainbow

 

Rainbows never cease to amaze me, pull me in, and make me want to grab my camera to capture it - again.

But that means there is rain, a storm nearby.

The rain.  The sun. =  The rainbow.

It's a paradox that my human mind simply cannot quite grasp.  The nuance of beauty that requires both the sun and the rain at the same time.

Sorrows, pain, death, disappointments, rejection, and the list can go on with you putting your word on the list, they all darken our skies and cloud our vision.

The calendar says tomorrow is Thanksgiving day.  A day where families often gather to eat and a day specifically to give thanks.  But so often, this day holds something unseen.  It's what we carry within our hearts.  Maybe there's an empty seat or two.  Maybe life right now is dark and bitter and why in the world would I give thanks?!  You may be carrying the unseen weight of grief, disappointments, and pain.

Thanks.  Gratitude.  Seem so far away.  Some may call it toxic positivity or toxic gratitude.  It's only toxic when we use it to avoid our feelings and what is going inside of us. 

We are to give thanks in everything, not necessarily for everything. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)   Jesus gave thanks as He broke bread moments before being taken and then later crucified. (Luke 22:19)

This is hard for us humans to grasp.  This nuance of pain and the giving of thanks.  You may not like what life has given you or where you are at and giving thanks can seem cruel and even toxic.  But in this season or place you find yourself in, you can hold lament while at the same time speak words of gratefulness and gratitude for God and His faithfulness, His promises, and for His words of truth.  That is healthy thanksgiving.  We don't need to choose one over the other, we can hold both, and discover the miracle and mystery of giving thanks.

This is often what we don't want to hear - that pain is needed. In the hands of God and how He works pain and hardship for good, is good.  That somewhere and in some place close to us there is the sun's rays of gifts and joys that co-exist with the storm to create a startling and astounding beauty of its own.

The promise of the rainbow.  God made a promise to Adam the day He put the rainbow in the sky after the devastation and destruction of the flood.  God gives us promises today, as well.  His Word is full of His words and the promises of life and truth that give us strength and grace to face whatever lament our heart and mind holds.

And just like the mystery of sun and rain to create the rainbow, so is the mystery of beauty and grace that is formed within us when we hold both the lament of grief and pain along with the gratitude for the promises that God gives to us.  He is faithful and we can anchor anything we hold in that.  

He is with us in the fire. (Isaiah 43:2)

He gives strength in our weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

He tells us to come to Him and learn of Him and we will find rest for our souls. (Matthew 11:28-29)

He is our refuge and strength (Psalm 46:1)

And so many more!

This is a life-saving and life-giving gratitude that shifts and changes how we walk through our lament.  It gives us the power and strength to be victorious and not let the enemy steal and kill our joy and the life of God within us as the storm rages.  The giving of thanks is the shift from focusing on the pain and the lament to allowing it space to be while gazing on Jesus and His faithful promises.  And just like it is when there is the rainbow, we ooh and aah at the splendour and beauty; one day we will find peace and rest and proclaim the beauty because of our storm.

So in this Thanksgiving season or any other day (because giving thanks and gratitude is not limited to the calendar day), with the posture of two hands, hold lament in one while you give thanks, for one good thing, with the other.  (Psalm 50:14/116:17 & Hebrews 13:15)

What Saturates Our Minds Affects Our Actions

 

How do we change our behaviour and our thoughts?

It's easy to feel overwhelm at words like brain retraining, you are what you think, dwell on good things. These words and concepts are important and valid and true.  Even God tells us in His word to take every thought captive, to give thanks in all things (not necessarily for all things), to dwell on what is pure and good, etc.  

But the reality is, that thoughts come and it seems like no amount of trying or effort to think differently, actually makes a difference or change what is in my mind.

Again, how?  How do I do this?  The spring in the year 2020 was a very low and dark time for me.  Dealing with chronic neuro-Lyme left me battling a darkness that seemed to haunt me, rejection pounded on my door, feeling alone, and as always not liking who I was or what came out of me.  The question that rose from within me, that I asked a thousand times over, was, "How do I change?  What do I do different?  This person thinks I'm too much, I may be too loud for someone and too quiet for another.  I may laugh at the wrong thing for one person and take too seriously when I should laugh.  So, how do I act and who am I?

The answer did not come loud and clear, but looking back, I trace the Holy Spirit and the hand of God in my thoughts.

It was the thought that people can change their ideas and opinions of me, but God is faithful and what He says is truest and doesn't change - I am His beloved.

I needed to give wings to my thoughts and what was inside of me so I could deal with whatever it was.  I then remember, quite clearly thinking - "What is truth?"  God is.  Nothing made sense to me, what was is no more, my worst fear of feeling abandoned by God was happening in my darkness, friendships were changing, and so on.

So, I began to choose the words of Jesus - the greater truth- in response to my darkness and the lies I was believing and to what I was feeling.  I clung to them in desperation as a thirsty man in the desert reaches for water.  I chose to focus on something different than my pain.  I would pay attention to what was inside of me, giving wings to the voice of fear, abandonment, pain, and more.  I would then choose - the one good thing - in the middle of all the angst and muck.  I would cling to verses for my life depended on it.  

Two years later I was struck with a reality that I never saw coming - a change within, a miraculous change.  Something different was coming out of me.  Slowly and choice by choice to believe Jesus, He transformed my mind and what was in my mind was now different.

Change can happen in a moment, in leaps and bounds, but change often happens in the slow and the choosing, again and again of something that is life-giving.

Our minds are like a sponge, soaking up what we put in it and allow it to soak up.  Put in negativity and it will absorb it.  Let it sit in a puddle of muck and mud and that is what a sponge and our mind absorbs.  Put it in a bucket of clean water and that will affect it too.

What the sponge is absorbed with, is what will drip out of it and be wrung out of it.  If I want a clean sponge I must let clean water flow through it.

So, I realized, that if I wanted to change, I needed to choose Jesus again and again, drip by drop.  Just like the sponge is cleaned by the clean, pure water running through it, so our minds are "cleaned" by God's words of truth running through our minds

Our minds are like a sponge, absorbing the world around us and all that happens to us.  Each word is like a drop.  Every action comes with an interpretation.  Each drop adds to the sponge of our minds.  Our minds and hearts absorb what is spoken or done to us.  We have interpretations of things done to us and situations that happen.

I could sit in and wallow in the pain and injustices and yes, mistakes of others that affected me or I could sit and soak up the truths of God.

I realized that each drop fills my mind and it matters what I become absorbed with.  What I become absorbed with will eventually be what flows out of me.  If I am soaked with God's truth, it will be what flows out of me.  And so, I keep choosing God and His truth.

What fills your soul?  What is your mind saturated with?  Want to change your actions? - first change what saturates your mind.

Words are spoken.  Hurt happens.  Pain fills our hearts.  (This is the gunk that can dirty our mind.)

Our minds and souls make interpretations based on what saturates them.

What do we do when life doesn't make sense?

Where do we go when the people around us are human too and sometimes we 'step' on each other or step over one another?

Where is hope now?

What words mean anything now and really, what is even true and truth?

Our responses and answers to these questions are in direct connection to what we have filled our minds with.  What have you been feeding "the bear or the ravaging lion"?

Have you been feeding it negativity, believing the lies that we connect to the action?  

-I'm not good enough.

-I messed up too much.

-Liar.  Failure.  Rejected (and so on)

Or have you been feeding on God's words of truth and claiming them as the greater truth to what has happened.  

-God says when we choose Him in faith, He is pleased.

-He tells us to dwell on good things and to take our thoughts captive, to own them.

-He says His strength and His grace is sufficient in our weakness.

-He says He forgives when we confess. 

-His name is Redeemer, Counsellor, Adonai

-He is Comforter and with me in my story and pain.  (Oh, there are so many more - read His words and let them soak into your mind and soul.)

Let's pick up the sponge again.  What the sponge is saturated with, is what will drip out.  What the sponge is soaked with, comes out when squeezed.

What fills my heart and mind will show when I'm squeezed with the hardships of life.  What I'm focused on and feeding my mind with will be revealed when I'm overlooked, experience rejection, feel uncared for, and so on.  When death, disappointments, and doubts come, they squeeze me and what's inside of me will be what comes out.  Is it negativity or is it what God says?

If we want to change, we need to choose Jesus again and again, drip by drop.  We choose Him in the easy and the hard times. In the sunshine filled moments and in the darkest ones when I think God doesn't care or has left me or even when I want to walk away from Him.  I choose to stay.  I choose Jesus and His truth over and over until my mind becomes saturated with it and that is what will carry me in the darkness and flow out of me because that is what I am filled with, saturated.

We choose Jesus by believing Him and what He says.  Read the Bible for it contains the words of Jesus.  The words that are healing and life-giving and will slowly, drip by drop, clean up your mind

The same is true for you.  It's not always easy and you won't always feel like it or want to - do it anyway - choose Jesus.  That's really all you need to do when you don't know what to do because Jesus will heal you with His miraculous healing touch.  He will touch you in the depths of your soul and in your mind with His truth and where healing matters the most.

Our thoughts affect our actions, so choose carefully what you dwell on.

Choosing Jesus is - your faith.  And your faith is what saves you.  Choose Jesus and He changes you. We choose Jesus by believing Him and what He says.  Read the Bible for it contains the words of Jesus.  The words that are healing and life-giving and will slowly, drip by drop, clean up your mind. Like the woman whose blood flowed for twelve years.  When she choose Jesus, she reached for Him and believed that He could heal her.  He did and she was physically healed right away.  But Jesus tells her that her faith has made her whole, healing her where it mattered the most.  Again, choosing Jesus is your faith and it is a faith that will carry you and save you, wholly.

25 Year Celebration = God is Faithful

 

25 years together.  25 years of living the reality of both/and.  Both joy and hard.  Both laughter and tears.  Both understanding and misunderstanding.

Through it all - God.  God, who works all things together for good.  God, who weaves the hard and the joys together in a tapestry that blends together and creates a beauty that is deeper than what I could ever truly grasp.

In the weaving of all things, I realize that God will not withhold any good thing and so what I call bad is not really not bad, but a good that is a hard good.  I realize that I need to reframe the truth of bad and if a hard will destroy me, God will not allow it.  But if a "bad" circumstance (according to my terms) works faith in God, a courage to rise above, or patience, etc; then it is a good that God will allow. 

Choosing God in any and every circumstance and relationship will keep it and He will see us to the end.

In the mistakes, the hard, and the devastations that life bring; when we choose Jesus and invite Him into our fears, doubts, questions, and anxieties; He redeems.

I am grateful for the presence and truth of God that has kept, redeemed, and saved us in ways that bring life.  God is faithful and I rest and anchor myself and us in that greatest truth that keeps and saves us in each and every situation.

The Partnering Duo of Weakness and Strength

 

We like to be strong.  Or should I say, I like to be strong, competent, and able to accomplish a task.  To be weak is to need someone’s help and what if I’m a bother or they don’t even want to help?  What if I am not able to do the task that is in front of me and I am asked to do? We don't have to live long to know that weakness isn't a glamorous trait or one that leaves us feeling confident. Weakness hurts. The weak animal in the wild woods doesn't usually survive. We say that survival is for the fittest. We do all kinds of things to be strong and competent.

Needing help is a vulnerable feeling and leaves me at the mercy of something or someone else.  What if they hurt me or stay away or even walk away? What if I don't survive?

I’ve been in places where I felt trapped, helpless, a victim to circumstances and no one came.  To be needy is a dangerous place to be, I tell myself.  Then I feel the push pull of wanting someone to help me with the confidence to do it on my own. (The weakness I am speaking of is not one of abuse or a victim mentality.  It’s the weakness that leaves you feeling less than, or one where you messed up one more time, or where you feel like you just can’t do it, or are given instructions to not do it. It's the space where another's strength is needed.)

Today is a week post-op for me.  I went home with instructions to not lift more than 10 lbs.  I went home with incisions and changes inside of me.  I slept, walked carefully, sat on a chair more than anything else.  I asked for others to do things or leave it undone. Meals were brought in and I watched a friend vacuum my carpeted floor.  I sat while seeing work that needed to be done and all I could do was look at it or rather look away or sleep some more so I don't have to see what needed to be finished before winter settled in for good.

Weakness.  Ugh, I don’t like it.  But I’ll be honest, parts of it were fun.  I liked the meals brought in and yet I worried that I was a bother to someone else.  I could sit with no guilt because I was supposed to.

As I had much time to think about the needy place I was in, the verse Paul wrote, in response to his request that his thorn in the flesh be removed, came to my mind.  2 Corinthians 12:9 And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”  Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Jesus declared to Paul that in the weakness he feels and experiences, the strength of Himself could be seen.  The power of Jesus was perfected in Paul’s weakness. 

The response of Paul to this was, “I will then gladly boast in my weakness so that the power of Christ may dwell within me.”

To know weakness is to give space for the opportunity of strength.  To know a need is to create the opportunity to partner with the strength of Jesus - His grace.

As I sat, watching my friend vacuum the carpet, she had the opportunity to show her strength in my weak and need-filled hour.  The dirt on the floor had been bothering me.  When she offered, I had a choice to make.  I could brush it off and tell her, “it’s okay, someone will get it later”  or I could accept the offer she held out to me.

I chose to allow her to vacuum my floor.  It felt strange to sit while watching her vacuum.  In the same way that it had felt strange to have people bring me food for our evening meals.  In all reality, I could’ve found a way to do what needed to be done.  In some ways, that would feel safer.  Why?  I actually found myself thinking that if they knew how good I felt they wouldn’t think it necessary to bring in a meal.  The reality is, through them sharing and bringing me and my family food, I felt cared for.  Community was taking place and God was touching a tender place in my heart.

Something is starting to stir within my heart - what if weakness is really the space and opportunity to partner with someone else?  What if I start to see weakness not as a failure, an inconvenience but as an opportunity?

I am glad to help someone who needs help and I don’t think less of them.  Why then, when it’s me, I feel like such a bother?  (Hence, my own broken story tells the paradigm.  Sometimes, we’ve been told such in one way or another.  Maybe the past holds the reality of being alone and needing to find a way.)

I felt the nudge, the stirring of God, maybe wanting to rewrite the paradigm of my story.  So, I am tentatively trying to listen and to pay attention.   I think back to a visit of two older ladies, who said to me, “Just let us care for you.  We want to.”  Tears burn my eyes as I surrender a bit more to my weakness and partner with the strength of someone else.

This duo of strength and weakness, is a continual ebb and flow, a fragile and sacred dance.  Sometimes it’s me giving and other times it’s you giving.  Sometimes it’s me receiving and other times it’s you receiving.  All the while the push pull of wanting to not be needy, to cover my weakness and to show my strength.

But most of all, it’s partnering with Jesus.  People are limited.  People miss us and don’t always help us when we need it.  I remember other times when I could’ve really used help and the world around me laid silent, void of human aid.  Someone had other things to do, opportunities were missed.  We’re left feeling wounded, missed and can so easily make declarations of never opening up in our weakness to need help.

That is a space where I discovered the grace of God, the deep, overflowing and overwhelming grace of God.  I call them Jesus spaces.

God wants to be needed.  If I am always strong and able to do something, then God is never needed.  If humans are always there and get it right for me, then why need God?   It is truly as we own and feel and accept our weakness, that we can know the strength of God.

Truly our weakness when partnered with God and His strength knows a grace that exceeds all boundaries and heals us in ways we never dreamt possible.

Paul gladly accepted his weakness so he could know the power of God.  I open my hand a bit more and surrender to this truth that in my weakness I can know the power of God.

I surrender to the reality that the partnering duo of weakness and strength creates space for a beauty and grace that I want to know.

But to know strength, I must know weakness.  Thank you, Jesus, for Your grace that is sufficient.  It’s a daily, manna grace that feeds us enabling us to rise and with confidence declare that we accept our weakness so You can be strong, Your power and strength dwelling in each of us.