We Experience One to Know The Other

Jesus responded to Peter's indignation towards the woman wiping his feet with her hair after she had anointed them, with these words... He who is forgiven much, loves much.  He who is forgiven little, loves little.  Luke 7:47

This woman knew the deep pain of costly mistakes.  She understood her complete undoneness and because of that recognized her need of Saviour.  She came to Jesus, when Jesus was in a group of men, and was completely vulnerable... poured ointment on Jesus' feet and then took her hair and wiped them.

How could she do it??

She was extremely grateful.

She experienced deep pain.  She knew unbounding forgiveness.  And she was extremely grateful.  To where she risked her reputation and became vulnerable.

She was forgiven much, so she loved much.

Hebrews 7:11 ... Now if perfection had been attainable through the Levitical priesthood.., what further need would there have been for another priest to arise ...?

Hebrews 8:7 also says, For if that first covenant had been faultless, there would have been no occasion to look for the second.

To experience one thing is to open our hearts up for something else.  To experience the  lack of something helps us to realize and long for that something better.

Counselors will tell you that you will not seek change out of a bad situation until the pain of where you are is greater than the fear of the unknown.

The Jews were a people whom God chose and He gave them the Law and the Law was to point to something greater.  It also showed them their undoneness and incapability to do what was right on their own.  He promised them a Saviour, a Redeemer.

When we experience a deep loss of any kind we open ourselves to knowing what's on the other side of the door.  And we often don't realize or appreciate what we had until we don't have it anymore.
There are two sides to a door.  Two sides of a coin.

There is an opportunity ... Pain/Hard = Redemption.

If there is no mess up, there is no need of redemption.
If there is no death, there will be no resurrection.

God has promised to redeem us.
He will restore the years the locusts have eaten.

To the extent that we experience the depth of hard and loss we understand the height of redemption and healing.

Jesus experienced death and because of that He could know and experience the resurrection.

The darker the night, the brighter the light.
The deeper the depths we go, the higher the heights we'll know.

The songs that touches the deepest chords of our hearts were written out of the broken cry of someone else's heart.

One morning as I was doing my usual morning walk, I breathed deep because I was experiencing the joy of a clearer brain and the simple joy of a friendship that was refreshing.  Those days of clarity and feeling good are limited for me right now and so when I experience one, the delight is extremely delightful.

To have known pain in many ways opens my eyes and heart to know the joy of health and healing.
To know the loss of one friendship is to awaken me to the delight of another.
To experience the sickness of mind and brain is to know the joy and delight of its slowly healing.
To know many days of pain is to rejoice and be exceeding grateful for the day of lesser or no pain.

As  one family experienced the near loss of a husband/father an anniversary date holds extra special meaning.

To experience one is to know the other.

To know joy we experience loss.
To know God's love deeply we experience rejection.
To know light we walk in darkness.
To know the freedom of God's new covenant, people lived the old.
To know forgiveness we made a mistake.

To experience one.  Is to know the other.

In the valleys of hard there is the fact of what we have lost or are experiencing but there is also the reality of new joys to discover.
The pain of the hard is a storm that shakes the soil our hearts and sometimes it's more like an earthquake, but one day we realize that it has loosened the soil and a 'flower' is growing in the crevice.  Our hearts are awakened and we appreciate and receive the gifts of today as richer, fuller, and more simplistic.

There are new and fresh gifts to see and experience.  And I am realizing that in the newness there is a simplicity that is refreshing.  Like the refining of gold, a fire that removed the dross and the metal now shines, till it reflects the face of the Master.

All hard must be grieved and in its own time will find healing.
But there comes a time when we must choose what we are focusing on.  We must decide which side of the door we will be, which side of the coin we will face... the hard stuff or the simple and pure joys and gifts in the middle of the hard.

To focus on one is not to deny the other, it simply is giving one the greater attention.  And the one we focus on will be the one that dictates our days and moments.  It will be one of despondency or walking in hope.

And when sadness overwhelms you because of the hard, take a moment to grieve and cry because as you do that you will find healing, again.
It is not a once and done deal when you live with a chronic illness or the loss of a loved one, etc, so the grieving will not be a once and done deal either.

But remember... to turn your face and your sights to the sun/Son.  Turn your gaze to look around you and see if you can find a pure and simple joy that may be there to surprise you.

He is our Promised Redeemer!

And if you don't find anything right then because the storm cloud is too dark, turn your heart's eyes of faith to Jesus, the One who is with you and wait, holding on to His hand in faith.

The Valley

You know, as we walk along on this pathway called Life, there are the stretches that we walk along that are straight and smooth.  Then there are the hills that take work and leave us puffing and when we get to the top... oh, the view, it stretches out and on as far as one can see and makes the upward trek worth it.  Then below is the valley.  We view the valley from afar and enjoy the scene from above.  But if we continue to walk, we need to walk down the mountain and into the valley.  But sometimes we are catapulted into it or it blindsides us and those are the ones that leave us reeling for a time.  And sometimes they seem to stretch on forever.  And some do... losing a partner or a child, losing eyesight, paralysis, you name your pain...

The Valley.
The Storm.
The Harsh Winds that blow.

Situations. Valleys. That are forever etched in our hearts and lives leave us gasping and trying to find shelter.  It covers the path and we may find ourselves groping along and wondering who in the world is with us or even cares.  Even, where is my Abba Father??

How do we live in the midst of it all? 

Jennifer Rothschild wrote these words... "Even when we have faith, it's easy to feel fear when the shadows of uncertainty get thick. But, even though fear and faith can share the same heartbeat, they don't share the same perspective. That's why we need the faith perspective when it comes to our valleys. Fear focuses on the shadows. Faith focuses on the Shepherd.

Sister, even the darkest valleys aren't so dark when God is with us. He is light and His Word is a light to our paths. So ask Him for faith, and stay in His Word. When you do, your perspective will begin to change, your faith will grow, and you will see light even when your valley is dark."
"When you can't change your valley, change your perspective."

The time was right and those words penetrated my weary and faltering heart.  I still wasn't sure what to do with those words, but the Lord used them to paint a picture. (I think in pictures and analogies...)

In the valley there are stones, rough patches, but there are also flowers, ferns; maybe a brook running through and even a butterfly.  Some days the sun shines and I feel the warmth penetrate my body and I feel warm.  Other days the winds blow and I search for shelter, a place of  refuge and I huddle.

I felt the whisper deep in my heart... it all depends on what you want to focus on.  In the valley there are both... the hard and the joys.

To live one must grieve.  And to focus on the joys is not a denial of the hard.  And when you grieve the hard stuff... whatever you are facing... it frees you to live.

Romans 8:26 ... but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

Psalm 126:5-6  Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

Another picture I had was of stones...

I kept stumbling over the disappointments, the being misunderstood, the losses, and the pain and I saw them as stones (because that's what often trips us up) and some even felt like a boulder (because some are so big and heavy we feel crushed beneath the weight of pain and we can't see beyond it for the moment).  I kept stubbing my toes on them and not being able to see past others, and then...

I use stones in my flower beds as accents, so I felt the Lord 'whisper' move those stones to a place where they will be an accent and not a stumbling stone.  Someone even used the boulder as a landmark.

Romans 8:28  And all things work together for good to those who love God.

I wonder how it was put there.... I'm sure no man lifted it and set it there.  There was another force, another help to place it there.  I wonder if that can be the mountain that is moved by prayer and fasting???  Matthew 17:20-21 
All I know is that there are some pain and hard that healing really is only possible because of Jesus.

There is a way to live when one is so broken.  It is not to deny what is but it is to focus on what also is.
It is not to deny or stuff what hurts or is hard but the other side of the coin is the joys and beauty that is also present.  We get to choose what we focus on and to live the dance of the hard and the broken with the beauty and joys that are also present.

Ahh...  a strong breeze of hope swept over my soul and anchored it in the knowledge of God's love for me.  All the time.

Hope.
The Breath of Fresh Air.

Many times I felt as if God was in the room but not with me or near me.  God has given me the picture of a sheep huddled in a crevice or cave and He/Jesus is standing outside the doorway, protecting, seeing, while healing or quiet was happening inside... inside my heart.  Even though all I could see and feel was my pain and tears.  The aloneness and questions haunted my days. 

But like they say, hindsight is 20/20 or at least closer to that.  I am seeing God's presence framing the doorway as love.  His protection as a gift.  My heart swells with the confidence that He loves. Me.

One of Jesus' many promises....
Isaiah 43:1-3  ... Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the waters, they will not overflow (overwhelm) you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.  For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel your Saviour;

God be with, dear reader.  God IS with you whether you feel it or not.  I am saying it for you just in case your faith is weak.  And if it's strong, go forth and walk in that confidence.

Pain and It's Complexities

This is a confession post, as well as putting into writing (for my benefit and for you if you want to listen in).

There is something I have always known but have learned in a deeper way... I HATE PAIN.  I want to run FAR away and in the opposite direction, actually only take a quarter of a turn because if I run far enough I'll come around to the same spot, that is if it's a circle.  But you  know, that's really what life is... a circle.

We've heard the saying, 'we've come full circle'.

No, seriously, one thing I've learned since living with chronic lyme and all the pain scenarios that are linked to that, is ... I WANT IT TO GO AWAY!  I want to be all better.

But reality is, it doesn't and I'm not all better.
Yes, it gets less intense, but nevertheless it still is, in some form, always something I deal whether physically or mentally.

And I'm realizing that I really do want to AVOID any long term pain.  I don't know what to do with it because I guess I lean towards being a fixer.  In my mind if something is broken, if possible, fix it.

Ok.  Enough of that.

So, of course I've been mulling on that and asking God how do I live with chronic symptoms.  And just to fill you in, my brain is greatly affected by the lyme disease; like my thought processes, how much I can do at a given time or even absorb, multi-tasking is most of the time not an option, and grocery shopping stretches me to the limit.

So, put faith in the picture, well, let's just say that is a challenge for me to make/feel connections a lot of the time.  But anyhow, back to my question... how do I live with chronic symptoms that don't go away??

I felt the whisper in my heart....
~ One day at a time.  One day at a time.
Not the whole week and sometimes not even the whole day.

~ Focus on what needs to be done, right now.

~ And someone shared ... take care of your family, save yourself for them. And so I remember that when I have nothing left for those outside my family.  And there are many times this reality is hard.

~ Then there are times and moments when I need to shift focus... to shift my focus from the obvious brokenness to resting in the promise that God redeems and He has a good plan (even when it doesn't seem like it). And to focus on Him and His strength for the moments that need to be done when I'm about to become undone (and sometimes I do 😉).
What you focus on is where you go or what you become.

And then, there is the pain.  Pain of heart and/or body.

Pain has been said to make one bitter or better.  We can let pain work its work in our hearts or run from it.  I personally don't like this agent and yet...

Here are a few of my musings...

~ Pain makes me more aware of what is going on around me.  If I allow it, it softens me to be kinder to those who are struggling.  It reminds to be gentle when someone is hurting.  I am reminded that a lot of times there is more going on beneath the surface of one's exterior, so be thoughtful.  I learn gratefulness isn't dependent on all things going well.  And like in winter, finding the beauty among the bareness that surrounds us.

   It's easy to say God is good when a prayer is answered, a pain or heartache is alleviated, but what about the times when it's not taken away or a loved one dies in spite of the many prayers being offered to the heart of God... is He still good???
   Yes, He is.  One just needs to look at a different place.  In a different spot.  It's a letting go of what I longed for, to accept and embrace what is.

~ It seems that when all is going good and flowing smoothly, I soon make idols.  I want to camp in this spot or I soon forget.  I so quickly want to hang on to these moments.   Oh, I wish it wouldn't be this way.  But somehow the idols make us harder to what is really good in ways that pain doesn't.

~Yes, pain can harden our hearts, but I find it's only when I shut down or make vows to protect my heart.  When I choose to accept and yes, sometimes embrace what I want to change or go away,  I soften.  I become more alive and vulnerable.
  But that's where I stumble at times, because being vulnerable opens me up to not only receiving life and grace and being alive, it opens me up to being more aware of pain and hurt and even receiving more pain and hurt.

~ Here is a quote from a once eight year old Florida girl ---  "'Good is good and bad is good, too.'  (Bad seems bad, but if you can hang on long enough and if you can just trust Jesus, then you'll get through it and your faith will be so much stronger.  Then the bad stuff makes good stuff in your heart.)"

~ And I'm reminded, because I wrote the words down, as it's not easy to remember this when you're in the middle of hard, of the song Laura Story wrote,
                                                                Blessings
     What if Your blessings come through raindrops?  What if Your healing comes through tears?  And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?  And what if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?
   This is only the chorus.  Go find the song and listen to it.  It is so full of calling us to something more.  To looking for something else when we want something different, something that most likely is what we really need.
 
~ I want to make a statement here....  finding something more or even seeing the good in the middle of pain comes only when you're ready for the next step.  It's hard to grasp or even see anything other than pain and loss when the pain is fresh.  So if you're in the fresh pain stage don't berate yourself or be too hard on yourself, lay this thought aside, but just know that sometime you'll be ready to look.

~ And those hard questions that we'd like clarity for...
Those times when what is happening makes little to no sense...
I'm learning anew to rest in the truth that God sees it all and He understands. I look forward to the day when I enter heaven and will be in the presence of God my Father and I can talk with Him and I believe it will all make sense.  But for now,  I see through a glass darkly...  I Corinthians 13:12

Wow!  I said this was for my benefit... I come to this point and am challenged, convicted, and encouraged to press on.  To embrace the agent, pain, for what it is and all that it brings and to trust the heart of my Father God to hold me gently while I walk the path on this earth and to trust Him that He will see me safely home.  And while I'm walking this path to look for Him in all the moments, whether good or bad and to BELIEVE HIM when He says, He works all things together for good.  Romans 8:28

~ The following pictures were taken by Martha Schwartz as she took a walk.  She doesn't like the brown of winter, it looks too drab; but on this one morning she decided to look for beauty and beauty she found.  So, we too, if we look for the nuggets of God's grace and His love  and goodness,  we will find it.