"Ouch, that hurt." "Ooo, I'm missing out." "I wish I had what they have over there."
Life happens. People hurt us, however unintentional or intentional it may be. I feel as if "I'm not up to protocol or even cool" and I have even discovered that some people actually think that. Then the thoughts invade our minds.
But guess what, not everyone does.
I've come to recognize, by whose standard am I not enough or too much or missing out? You see, what you think about me may completely different than how someone else views or experiences me. And there's also me. You see, I need to be ok with, me. I am my own worst enemy about what I think is ok and not ok.
How do you view or 'see' what happens in your daily living of life? How do you view or see what is right before you today?
One day as I was sitting in a laundromat, the room had these three windows side by side. ' As I sat waiting, using my time for quiet as the washers and dryers were doing their work, I began to notice these windows and what each one was framing.
Each framed a view, holding a perspective. And each view had a beauty all of its own. One was my favourite, but if I looked long enough and with an open mind to see the beauty, they all three were good.
How many times am I "one window" longing to be a different one? I want that 'view' or this one of someone else.
You know, life is like that. We humans are so easily prone to 'want' another's story or view they have on life. We are so 'busy' trying to peer out someone else's window we miss the beauty of our own.
I'm saying we, but really, this is something that speaks deep in my heart.
You see, so much of my story was being interpreted through the lens that what I do is wrong or not right. It came from some childhood incidents and my mind did its interpreting. It became a framework. And I never knew what to adjust. What about me needs to be different??
So, I would peer around me and see what was acceptable to many and then try to imitate. (From my own warped perspective and interpretation) I was not my own for many, many years. Healing came in stages and layers, but it came and is still coming.
I'd like to share one of the key components to my healing. It was learning to be grateful for what is right here and to unlearn that I am not 'wrong'. That, like these three windows were showing me, each have a gift to offer and one to be found and enjoyed.
What you have to offer and what I have to offer may be different, but both are needed and there's room for both. What you see and what I see are different, but does not mean one is wrong or right. As I settle in to enjoy my 'view', I find as time goes on, a peace which passes understanding, allowing for compassion and room for variations.
I want to interject here, that I am not referring to moral and God given principles and truths of right and wrong. I will also add, that even in the event of a moral, right or wrong situation, we are not called to convince or badger in our uncompromising of God's truth.
My view should not be pitted against yours and neither should your view trump mine.
As I view the majesty of God, and remember who He is, I realize very deeply that I don't have the final verdict.
You know, God gets that. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, the Life, not me, and if He gives space for we humans to interpret His words, then He gets the final say and I can trust Him.
He is bigger than any difference, He has got each of our situations and scenarios. And if we pause and shift our eyes to Him, we get to see a greater perspective. Our piece is a piece of a much bigger picture. Our window is only a portion of a greater scene.
You see, the day before, this day, my family was hiking in Zion National Park. We started in the canyon's bottom, walking along a gorgeous trail that followed the river. I was basking in the beauty all around me. It wasn't closed in but neither was it on the edge or on top of any high points. All of a sudden I realized some of my men were getting a bit restless and 'bored' as they would make comments. I became a bit irritated and said, "This is beautiful!"
the canyon's bottom river trail
Long story, short, I realized I felt threatened or that familiar, 'you're wrong because of a different viewpoint that was given' was raising its ugly head again.
You see, we discovered some prefer the high up, peripheral perspective to the all around me type of beauty and meandering along the water.
This may seem trivial or not a long-term consequence compared to as we think of how this plays out in our relationships, but really it's a mind set, a framework from which we view our experiences.
And really, for me that day, it wasn't really a small deal, because I immediately was going down the road of diminishing what I was experiencing because of the comments being made. And my men were enjoying the walk, but nevertheless, not thrilled. I was able to recognize what was going on in my mind and heart. There is space for BOTH! But I also needed to be ok with both. And when I was, there was a peace, a settledness of my heart. I no longer felt threatened or needed to squash my men's thrill of a daring hike.
At the end of the trail and deciding what to do next, we decided to split ways. The men would go as far as they could on a daring trail called, Angel's Landing. (Yes, it was named that because of the first man to discover it said, "You can't get there unless an angel lands you there!") And I did another trail. Yes, I enjoyed mine for it too was also along the canyon's edge, just not quite as daring.
So, sitting there that next morning and seeing those three windows, I felt the Lord whisper, "Each perspective has its place and a beauty all of its own. Enjoy each one and bless the perspectives of others and be ok with yours."
And a little more healing happened in my heart, a lot more peace invaded its depths. There is the majestic wonder of seeing miles on end and such a view. There is also the wonder and calming beauty of a meandering trail.
walking the canyon's west rim
the men tackled the rigorous Angel Landing's trail
yes, the view is amazing, but so is the height dizzying!
Majesty comes in all forms and is experienced in many places.
And just like when you're in an airplane versus the ground, how you see an area, changes. God has the overarching view, omniscience, all-knowing view and we can trust Him, even if it's hard. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He gets the final say.
As we do the mental shift and shift our gaze to our Heavenly Father and away from all that's being whispered in our minds, one act has helped me and grounded me, especially when my 'window' may be tainted with the dirt of misconceptions, pain and hard. When disappointments and unmet expectations ram my heart and those false beliefs threaten and skew my experience, that is, the Posture of Two Hands.
We have two hands. There are 'two' perspectives, mine and the others. We have two choices to make, to wallow or to look for the good. We can be negative or positive.
And so in one hand you place all the negative. You place there all that hurts and all your doubts, fears. Whatever is threatening or overwhelming.
And in the other hand, you place and declare God's truths. You do the shift of your heart's gaze to Jesus and declare that you will believe Him and choose Him, however feeble that may be. Sometimes, for me, it was a simple declaration of, "Lord, I want to believe You, help my unbelief."
Then, putting your hands together in a prayer and offering it all to God. The prayer of both good and hard. Of wrestlings and trusting (and again, sometimes for me, it was simply telling God, "I choose to stay with You, to trust Your heart is good"). Of choosing and staying, right here, even if.
Or, I simply lift my hands upward and say to God, "Here, take all of it. And as only You can do, untangle all the threads and help me." "Keep me, guide me, for You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life."
Two hands, lifted in worship. Worship isn't only the praise and songs of good, but it's also the lament and offering it all to God in a sacrifice of praise and recognition of who He is. Offering all of me, both my questions and fears and my joys and truly-felt trust and praise for God, is to live fully and to find Jesus in deep ways.
If you're like me, we don't always believe or feel that God is good. The pull to doubt it or question it, in moments, is real. And there are even the moments where for a bit I do. I wrestle to keep 'my hand' from reaching for what I think is better or good or when it simply feels as if nothing is happening right now and I 'need' to make it happen, just like Eve did those many years ago.
Bringing all of that in my two hands, has drawn me to Jesus and given space for healing in deep ways.
For we can only have healed, what we allow ourselves to hold and to surrender in trust and faith to our Heavenly Father.
This is head's up, it's not a quick fix of any sort. But it is a stabilizing act and one in which you will find life, fully and in ways beyond your making or imagination. A peace which passes our understanding.
You, like me, will process your life's experiences through the lens of your childhood interpretations of what happened in your years-past. Most times that view is very skewed and a breeding ground for Satan to weave his lies, just as he did to Eve.
Is your framework, the lies or misinterpretations that Satan shouts or hisses in our minds and heart or is it the truths of God and His unfailing and always present love and His every morning new mercies?
This journey, is an ever-present growing and healing journey, of finding God's new morning mercies of manna grace to be our filter and lens. And then to let it spill over in my relationships and meeting of people.
Not on all days am I glad it's not a quick fix, but really, I am learning and grateful it is a journey. The peace that comes as a result of the challenge to look and find the gifts of, right here, is one that I will fight for over and over again. I don't always 'want to' in the moment, but it's where I want to end up and I will fight to stay with Jesus on this journey.
It is life changing and healing in so many deep, deep ways. Try it. Take the first step. And if it's only a tiny step, take it. The Lord will lead you. He is a faithful guide, all the way to the end.
