Why Do You Love Someone??

Because I've been struggling through the reality of a prayer that doesn't seem to make a difference and it's been the cry of my heart for the past 2 years...
disillusionment and sarcasm and bitterness creeps it's way into my heart.

First, I struggled with Lord, You don't love me...

Then, it was, You don't care about me...

Next, I am like, Lord, why pray, does it matter?  does it make a difference?

I'm not important.... and the thoughts circle on.

Recently, I heard a talk on God and loving Him and how that  we can be with Him and not know Him.  A comment was made in that talk, that did the people follow Jesus for the loaves and fish?  Did they follow Him to be healed?  Did they follow Him for the miracle?

Or did they follow Him for Who He is?

That thought stayed with me...

Am I following and loving Jesus for what He can do and does do for me?  Or do I follow Him because I love Him and for who He is??

I want to be loved for more than what I can do.
I want to be loved for who I am.

Jesus is the same.

He commented on the people who sat at His feet.
The woman who washed His feet.
The people who caught a glimpse of Him and worshiped.

Why do I love someone??
Why do you love someone??

An honest look at that question revealed that I tend to love wholly and freely if there is something in it for me.  If I 'feel' loved or cared for in return.  If not, I want to walk away or at least distance myself...

But can I say with Habakkuk - though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren
even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty,
(that's pretty much a fail of any life security)

v.18 YET, I will rejoice IN THE LORD!
I will be joyful IN THE GOD OF MY SALVATION!
v.19 The Sovereign LORD is my strength!  He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.

Even though....

Yet,
I will worship God.

Yet,
I will love God.

Yet,
I will choose to believe His Greater Truth and greater plans.

Maybe, the reason for my prayer going the way it has, is to reveal a greater need of my heart.. to learn to love wholly, no strings attached...
to love, simply for WHO God is and not WHAT He does.

Maybe, I'll never know...

Why do I love someone?
Why do you love someone?

Some of the Realities of Life

Sometimes one has more questions than inspirations on this journey of life.  Sometimes making sense of it all eludes the heart, even though the mind knows.

Some of the questions my heart is struggling with... (and should one even share them? I doubt I'm the only one who struggles... and now you know that even the one who writes words, is without at times.  And just because one writes does not mean they have it all together :).  It means we only share our thoughts through words.)

Community.  What makes one a part of a community?  How does one feel a belonging to the community?

Prayer.  What do you do with the verses like, "If you abide in Me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it shall be done for you."
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither My ways your ways"... Is one a pawn in the Hand of God?  When praying for years and over and over hopes come because maybe, just maybe we can conquer this bedwetting and then boom, no success.  Does bringing our voice and requests even make a difference?

How does one keep their heart alive and soft in the middle of silence and questions?  In the middle of disappointments?

My head knows that God is good and that His heart is good towards me... my heart is disconnected from that reality and Truth.

So, today, I choose to believe.
And this song comes to my mind...

Bigger than all my problems; Bigger than all my fears;

God is bigger than mountain that I can or cannot see.

Bigger than all my questions, Bigger than anything

God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.

Bigger than all the shadows that fall across my path;

God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see;

Bigger than all my confusion, Bigger than anything

God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.

Bigger than all the giants of fear and unbelief;

God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see;

Bigger than all my hang ups, Bigger than anything;

God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see.

So until my heart connects, I want to cling.  To cling to His Hand even though in reaction I want to let go.

Why?  Because I want to believe Him even in the middle of the dark and stormy moment.

Maybe today your heart has more questions than understanding?  Maybe you want to let go as well?  Let's cling together --- remembering what we know in the light is the same in the night.

THE GREATER TRUTHS!!!

- God does not change or leave us.

- He loves us.

- My plans are of good and not evil.
- We all have something to offer, because God doesn't make anything or anyone worthless.
- I am my Beloveds and He is mine.
and there are more...

Will you pray for me?  I'll pray for you. :)  And together carry each other to the Throne of Grace.  His Throne.  Where intercession takes place.

May we find Him.  Today.