The God-Filled Space in Relationships

God. People. Relationships. 

God created man and formed Eve out of man. Breathing into man His own breath and man became a living soul, living with the very breath of God. This creation was different than what God created previously. 

Deeply connected to God. Created, not spoken into existence. Breath from the very being of God.

Two people carry the breath and life of God in their very being. Two people who are to carry on the image of God, passing it on in their own connection and relationship.

It didn't take long to mar and forever change the way relationships were.

In connectedness, community, and relationships; pain happens. 

In connectedness, community, and relationships; healing and health happens. 

But not a saving. That's for Jesus. He's our Saviour, our Redeemer. 

Before I am aware at times, I so often am expecting people to save me, to come through for me.

Relationships are quite the tug of war, quite the i-want-them and then-i-don't. I want to live alone and then it's not enough. 

We are created for relating to each other. We were established to help each other, reminding each other of Jesus.  Reminding us to remember who Jesus is and who we are in Him.  Reminding each other what Eve questioned and we often question too, that God DOES have our good in mind, in the very core of His being.  

I find when I place the proper expectations of what God established for relationships, I want to live in them. 

As a result of the sin; brokenness, pain, and shame entered our relationships.  We now know good and evil.  Pain and joy.

God said He would provide a Saviour, a Redeemer. He would provide a way back, a redeeming of all broken. 

And it does us well to remember that. Because in the space of all the broken in our relationships, is the space that only God can fill and redeem. It's in connectedness to Jesus that heals the deepest, a staying with Him.  Depending on Jesus and finding Him, is not hinged on any physical or tangible person.  And that allows for healing in the deepest parts and corners of our hearts and souls.

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There are many variables that can hinder that healing and finding Jesus. 

We are to walk together, helping each other, but in the painful and aching spaces, that's the space for our Saviour and Redeemer.

As Joni Eareckson Tada states, "To press in to Jesus and to know Him is the purpose of suffering."  Not what it does to me, how it grows my prayer life or makes me a better person, no, it's to know more of Jesus.   Songs of Suffering film is a short documentary by Joni that is so inspiring to find Jesus in the hard.

It's so easy to blame the people we can see and physically interact with, to put the responsibility on them to do and say the right thing.  

And that's the tug of war, the push/pull of relationships. 

Because as people interacting with each other we do have a responsibility to interact in the ways of Jesus, kindness, honoring, patient, loving, etc.

And when that doesn't happen, pain and hurt hurl us to blame if we're not careful.  And please hear me, I'm not advocating that we just take it without dialogue or conversation of some sort.

But what I am saying and where I have wrestled intensely with disappointment and feeling missed or overlooked or even like I don't matter, is there in the midst of all that, is the space to press in to Jesus.  The space that only He can really fill and wants to fill.  

The space where He wants to heal us, even if...  To heal us in spite of anything around us or anyone.  That to me is liberating!  Because my healing and freedom doesn't hinge on anything or anyone!

I can sit on a trash heap and sing with joy because it's inside me.  I can see beauty because beauty is to be seen somewhere and in something and it isn't hinged on my surroundings. (good surroundings sure help, though 😉)

One thing I've learned in my suffering journey is, God wants to be known, just like I want to be known.  God wants to be loved, just like I want to be loved.

And that, has so influenced and changed me in the midst of disappointments, pain, and relating with people.

And from that God-filled space perspective, we own and make our decisions as we interact with each other.  Taking the painful pieces to Jesus to sort through so we don't live in a reactionary place, swinging our pain that only adds to what's going on.

Healing and healed people, encourage others.

Hurt people, hurt people.

I know.  It may sound harsh and unfair.  And in a lot of ways it is. But really, finding healing in the presence of Jesus is a gift because it can happen whether or not the other person cooperates with reconciliation or not.

So, my dear friends and fellow sojourners, let's find Jesus in those spaces of loneliness, pain, denial, and hurt.  To find Jesus enough and His healing is so liberating and that's exactly why Jesus came.  He came to heal the brokenhearted, preach deliverance or release to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind, and set free those who are oppressed. (Luke 4:18)

Some of the most free and healed people are oe were in some of the most hard places.  I think of Corrie Ten Boom, Elizabeth Elliot, Fanny Crosby, Hellen Keller, and many today like Joni Eareckson Tada, Jennifer Rothschild, and even you.  Because in all reality we all have hard we live in and walk through.  Some live in it more intensely.  Each of us carry something deep in our hearts that we would rather not have to carry.  Each of us have a place, that in the end only Jesus can heal and fill.

Bitterness blinds.  Pain oppresses and keeps one captive. Hard breaks my heart.  And in those moments I'm given a choice as I navigate whether I find Jesus more deeply or allow my blindness, oppression to keep me captive.   

Jesus' mission to helping us find freedom does not say anything that includes the one who caused the disappointment, pain, or rejection.  It's only Jesus.  He will heal as we let Him. (Reconciliation is another facet that doesn't swing the door on our healing.)

I want Jesus in those spaces that hurt.

Where is God in the Middle of the PDA's of Life?

There are seasons where life is hard.  A curve ball has been thrown our way and we miss.  We stumble under the weight and long for someone bigger than us to carry us.  We bend under the weight of rejection, of a sudden death, a job loss,  an illness, or you put in your curve ball ...
  That someone is often God that we look to and often blame Him for not carrying us or coming through for us like we want it to look like.

 The summer of 2018, we as a family spent time with a group of people who run summer camps the month of July for First Nations people.  The staff consists of approx 40 young people and families from the States and Canada that give of their time and energy to make this happen.  We are a group that come from a varying of backgrounds, cultures, personalities, and stories that have formed and influenced who we.

   How do we pull together and become a team??

    We start out with 7 1/2 days of training, sessions, and group activities, learning what we should or should not do.  Learning relational tips and just information that is helpful to running a camp and working together.
   One concept we learn are three aspects of a team - team, individual, and task.  These are illustrated with circles.  Are the three circles of equal size, are they balanced?  Are we so focused on our task that we forget to care for the individual?  Are we so focused on what we're doing that we forget we're a part of the team?  How do we support a leader?  How is the leader fulfilling these areas?  Does he designate or do it all himself? and more....
   One way that we illustrate this is through TDA's (Team Development Activity).  TDA's are intense.  They are hard and require skill, focus, and integrity.  They usually take an hour and half to 3 hours to complete.  A group of 30-35 people choose a leader, learn to work together to accomplish the task, learn how to give ideas and yet support the leader, and the leader learns leading tips, etc.  There are specific rules that must be followed and if any are broken or breached there are consequences.
   There are two facilitators that choose, guide, and oversee the activity.

These activities are grueling.  They are intense and bring out the good and bad inside of you.  There are moments of wanting to quit.  Then someone comes standing beside you whispers or shouts....  let's keep going?  or don't slack off now!  or you can do this!
During one particular TDA, a thunderstorm popped up.  It rained and it rained.  You were uncomfortable, wet, chilled and transporting an object that couldn't touch the ground from one place to another.  The rain poured, it became muddy, and still the group walked on.

As an observer and one who wants to be inside during a thunderstorm, I wondered if it was safe or ok to keep going.  But I kept such thoughts to myself...  Amanda & I were told to meet the group at a designated spot... we waited and we waited... the storm poured and the lightening flashed and the group didn't come.

Finally we wondered if they were still coming or if the exited the lake before the designated spot?

We discovered, indeed, that they were on dry land and had begun the debriefing session.  Later in talking to the one facilitator, his comments were, "yes, we were watching the storm.  And when the lightening struck the other side of the lake, we made the decision to exit the lake for it was no longer safe."

His comment --- that they were watching the storm, struck me.  Because Amanda & I were having no communication with them about the storm, and to be honest, I wasn't truly trusting their decisions to keep going.

And then I thought of my hard times, times when I wonder if God is really trustworthy and paying attention to the 'safety' of my situation...  HE IS WATCHING THE STORM.

And I must trust and rest in that truth.  He IS watching and cares and when the lightening strikes too close, He cares and He directs.

And, I wonder, how many times Jesus wants to step in to respond to our heart's cry and God says, "He or She must choose.  This is a moment for her to choose to love me for Who I am and not what I do  This is a moment for a deeper awareness of Who I am."

Jesus as our Intercessor and Advocate restrains because of giving us the characteristic of choice.  The choice to trust.  The decision to believe by faith.  To follow, even if.

But all the while HE IS WATCHING.  He is present.  He is with us.

The Posture of Two Hands

 

The Posture of Two Hands

Lord, You created two hands.

Hands to give.

Hands to receive.

So much of life is both and and.

Both joy and sorrow.

Bothe pain and purpose.

Both hard and holy.

Both thorns and pleasure.

These hands sometimes are gripping, holding on.

Other times they're clenched, tightly shut.

And then, there are those times, I let go and open the fists to receive, to embrace what I would never ask for and allow You to place another thing in my hands.

Your strength.

Your peace.

Your Presence.

Your grace.

Two hands.

In the one I hold the ache of loneliness and the other the soft glow or bold glory of the morning sunrise or the evening sunset.

In the one I hold the tears of disappointments and the other the confidence of Your faithfulness.

In the one I hold my anger at what doesn't make sense and the other one the release of trusting You and choosing to continue to believe in Your goodness.

Two hands.

Either open or tight-fisted.

Either closed or open.

Either rejecting or receiving.

If I close my hand to receiving the hard, I close my hand to the holy as well.

Closed to receiving Your love and grace, closed so You cannot put in my hand the strength I need to walk the journey, to take the next step.

Two hands.

I bring together in a posture of prayer and praise.

Prayer for grace to accept the parts of my story I'd rather not have and 

praise for Your presence and the little joys that are around me for me to notice.

Two hands.

Pain and purpose.

Joy and sorrow.

Thorns and pleasure.

Two hands.

Brought together in a moment for Your glory and for Your purpose, Lord.

And then,

joy, peace which cannot always be explained invades my soul and I take the next step with a little more of a dance, a little lighter and with a little more spring.

When we create space for what we don't want, there is space for the joy and the goodness of God to be seen and experienced.

But I confess, this, takes a whole lot of trusting God.  Of believing He is still good when circumstances simply don't make sense.  Of choosing to not bow down and give in to grief and despair and proclaim, "Even if..."  It's choosing, again, by faith, to stay with God and remember He loves us, not because of what He does, but because of Who He is!!!  It's learning to accept and embrace what I'd rather not, with a smile that tells of His goodness and provision.

And this.  Causes me to pray, "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief."

The Ache of our Souls and a Place to Go

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and YOU WILL FIND REST for your souls.  Matthew 11:28-29

This is one of my favourite verses and yet if you look closely there's a piece that I want to skip... "take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me..."

Why do I want to skip that part??  

I am asked to let go.  To embrace a path I may not want.

But the exchange is, rest. 

Rest from striving. Rest from orchestrating life's activities.  Rest from the control that I so easily settle into.

A heart at rest, a settledness, right in the middle of walking, right in the middle of the storm sometimes.

Jesus.
Says come.
To Me.

To Him.
For REST.

A yoke is a joining together of two.
Two oxen.
Two people.

Jesus is inviting us to join Him and learn from Him.

Jesus does not promise life to be easy. 
The fact is life is not easy whether you follow God or not.  Whether you believe in Him or you don't.  Life became broken in the garden and life remains broken and disjointed.

But in that moment, God came and voiced a promise to Adam and Eve.  A promise of redemption.  A promise of a Saviour.

So, why follow God? Why believe His promises??

Because He promises to join us as we navigate life.  He wants to yoke with us and help to bear our burden.  Life is harder without Him.

Come.

Jesus came.  He is God incarnate.  Holy and Perfect made human.

Human so he showed us He identifies with us.

He came to partner with us in every way.  And now He says, "Come."

Bring every ache, every tear, every lonely moment, every hard, every angry moment, everything and learn of Him.  Learn more of His tenderness for those tears.  Learn more of His love even when it doesn't feel like it's there.  

Let go of walking alone and yoke with Him.

Trusting His steering, His guiding on the journey.

Breath of Life

We all face hard things... disappointments, disillusionments, sickness, rejection, death... something...  Something that hurts and causes us to want to protect our hearts.  We want to run and hide, cowering against the harsh blast of pain and hurt.

But when we do we limit ourselves.  We limit ourselves to the power of what happened and who caused it, whether it be a human being or God.

We can't see very far when we are cowering and hiding our hearts. (note to self ;))

Ok.  Before you run away and think I'm telling you your pain doesn't matter, stay.
Because what happened matters.  How you feel matters.  What it did to you matters.

But there is something more and in time, the right time, I want to encourage you to see a little further.  To shift your gaze upward as you lay there, hurting.  To shift your gaze as we are sometimes left limping.

When we get gut-punched with pain and hard things it sends us reeling and the breath sometimes gets knocked out of us.
A job loss.
A failed marriage or relationship.
A death.
Another's choice that affects us deeply.
You fill in the blank ____________.

We are left grasping for air, clutching our sides.  Broken.  Devastated.

The LORD is nigh to the brokenhearted.  He hears the cry and bottles the tears. Psalm 56:8

How He cares... to bottle our tears.  Jesus wept.  He agonized in the Garden.  He agonizes with us because He knows.
He knows the pain of denial.  The sting of betrayal.  The gut-wrenching agony of not being understood.
After all, He is Life.  He has the power of Life...  How He wants to give that to us!  And that reality makes the stings of pain so much greater.

But He went to the Cross anyway.  He saw something and knew something that carried Him beyond that reality.

Pain, hard, disappointment were all a reality.
But so was the Presence of His Father.

Jesus never lost sight of His Father and I wonder if that was why He so often slipped away, alone.  Alone with the Father to shift His focus off of the pain and on to the Greater Truth of what His Father says.  To keep in focus the reason He was here on this earth.  To take the pain and agony and hear what the Father had to really say.

Alone with the Father.  To shift gaze.  To breathe.

God BREATHED INTO Adam the BREATH OF LIFE.
Breathe.
In, out.  In, out.  Inhale, exhale.  Inhale, exhale.

When we take a breath there is an exchange.  We take in oxygen and push out carbon dioxide.  We breathe in life and breathe out poison.

God still wants to breathe into us the breath of life.
His Truth.  His Words.  His statements.

He wants to exchange our agony with His Presence and His Words of Truth.
Our worry with His peace.

I will never leave you or forsake you.
When you walk through the waters, I will be with you, they will not overwhelm you.
The LORD is a refuge.
He is our Strength.
And so much more.

That broken relationship or marriage...  What does God say??
That rejection, whether it be loss of job or someone else getting a position you wanted, or simply another person....  What does God say??
Loss of health... What does God say??
In the midst of losing a loved one, death... What does God say??
What you put in the blank ___________ ... What does God say??

And when the breath is knocked out of us and we lay there clutching our sides... What does God say??

Picture with me.... you're running and you get a side ache to where you bend over trying to breathe but with every breath, it hurts.  Or you're playing a game and you get knocked over or punched in the gut, and you're struggling for the next breath...
The coach or someone comes running to you.  They put their arm around you, supporting you, most likely saying something to guide you until your breath evens out.
A mother labouring to bring a child into this world has someone telling her to breathe.  I remember taking those birth classes and one session included the teaching on how to breathe and the coach was given instructions on how to instruct the mother to breathe during those painful contractions.

And so, it is with God.  He is our Coach.  Our Father.  And when we're gut-punched with the hard things of life, He doesn't walk away or punch us some more.  No, He comes running, supporting us with His Truths, whispering what we need to hear until our breath evens out.  Telling us how to breathe in the middle of it all.

Inhale His Words.  His Truth.
Exhale the disappointments.

Inhale His Truth.  What does He say??
Exhale our lies and bitterness.

Sometimes to take a breath, hurts, but we do it anyway.
But at some point there will be more healing and the breath we take will be life abundantly.

Breathing exercises.  Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
And receive the Breath of Life because our very life depends on it.

Life.  He came to earth so that we may have life and have it abundantly.  John 10:10

Living the sacred dance of grief and seeing the gifts and joys of life.
Living again because I shift my gaze to the One who gives peace which passes my understanding.
Living again knowing I'm loved and cared for in spite of the circumstances that I'm experiencing.

Our circumstances don't always change or life doesn't necessarily become smooth, but we exchange our angst and worry for His promises and Presence.

Doing those breathing exercises because my life depends on it.
Inhale,exhale.
The Breath of Life.

We Experience One to Know The Other

Jesus responded to Peter's indignation towards the woman wiping his feet with her hair after she had anointed them, with these words... He who is forgiven much, loves much.  He who is forgiven little, loves little.  Luke 7:47

This woman knew the deep pain of costly mistakes.  She understood her complete undoneness and because of that recognized her need of Saviour.  She came to Jesus, when Jesus was in a group of men, and was completely vulnerable... poured ointment on Jesus' feet and then took her hair and wiped them.

How could she do it??

She was extremely grateful.

She experienced deep pain.  She knew unbounding forgiveness.  And she was extremely grateful.  To where she risked her reputation and became vulnerable.

She was forgiven much, so she loved much.

Hebrews 7:11 ... Now if perfection had been attainable through the Levitical priesthood.., what further need would there have been for another priest to arise ...?

Hebrews 8:7 also says, For if that first covenant had been faultless, there would have been no occasion to look for the second.

To experience one thing is to open our hearts up for something else.  To experience the  lack of something helps us to realize and long for that something better.

Counselors will tell you that you will not seek change out of a bad situation until the pain of where you are is greater than the fear of the unknown.

The Jews were a people whom God chose and He gave them the Law and the Law was to point to something greater.  It also showed them their undoneness and incapability to do what was right on their own.  He promised them a Saviour, a Redeemer.

When we experience a deep loss of any kind we open ourselves to knowing what's on the other side of the door.  And we often don't realize or appreciate what we had until we don't have it anymore.
There are two sides to a door.  Two sides of a coin.

There is an opportunity ... Pain/Hard = Redemption.

If there is no mess up, there is no need of redemption.
If there is no death, there will be no resurrection.

God has promised to redeem us.
He will restore the years the locusts have eaten.

To the extent that we experience the depth of hard and loss we understand the height of redemption and healing.

Jesus experienced death and because of that He could know and experience the resurrection.

The darker the night, the brighter the light.
The deeper the depths we go, the higher the heights we'll know.

The songs that touches the deepest chords of our hearts were written out of the broken cry of someone else's heart.

One morning as I was doing my usual morning walk, I breathed deep because I was experiencing the joy of a clearer brain and the simple joy of a friendship that was refreshing.  Those days of clarity and feeling good are limited for me right now and so when I experience one, the delight is extremely delightful.

To have known pain in many ways opens my eyes and heart to know the joy of health and healing.
To know the loss of one friendship is to awaken me to the delight of another.
To experience the sickness of mind and brain is to know the joy and delight of its slowly healing.
To know many days of pain is to rejoice and be exceeding grateful for the day of lesser or no pain.

As  one family experienced the near loss of a husband/father an anniversary date holds extra special meaning.

To experience one is to know the other.

To know joy we experience loss.
To know God's love deeply we experience rejection.
To know light we walk in darkness.
To know the freedom of God's new covenant, people lived the old.
To know forgiveness we made a mistake.

To experience one.  Is to know the other.

In the valleys of hard there is the fact of what we have lost or are experiencing but there is also the reality of new joys to discover.
The pain of the hard is a storm that shakes the soil our hearts and sometimes it's more like an earthquake, but one day we realize that it has loosened the soil and a 'flower' is growing in the crevice.  Our hearts are awakened and we appreciate and receive the gifts of today as richer, fuller, and more simplistic.

There are new and fresh gifts to see and experience.  And I am realizing that in the newness there is a simplicity that is refreshing.  Like the refining of gold, a fire that removed the dross and the metal now shines, till it reflects the face of the Master.

All hard must be grieved and in its own time will find healing.
But there comes a time when we must choose what we are focusing on.  We must decide which side of the door we will be, which side of the coin we will face... the hard stuff or the simple and pure joys and gifts in the middle of the hard.

To focus on one is not to deny the other, it simply is giving one the greater attention.  And the one we focus on will be the one that dictates our days and moments.  It will be one of despondency or walking in hope.

And when sadness overwhelms you because of the hard, take a moment to grieve and cry because as you do that you will find healing, again.
It is not a once and done deal when you live with a chronic illness or the loss of a loved one, etc, so the grieving will not be a once and done deal either.

But remember... to turn your face and your sights to the sun/Son.  Turn your gaze to look around you and see if you can find a pure and simple joy that may be there to surprise you.

He is our Promised Redeemer!

And if you don't find anything right then because the storm cloud is too dark, turn your heart's eyes of faith to Jesus, the One who is with you and wait, holding on to His hand in faith.