The Valley

You know, as we walk along on this pathway called Life, there are the stretches that we walk along that are straight and smooth.  Then there are the hills that take work and leave us puffing and when we get to the top... oh, the view, it stretches out and on as far as one can see and makes the upward trek worth it.  Then below is the valley.  We view the valley from afar and enjoy the scene from above.  But if we continue to walk, we need to walk down the mountain and into the valley.  But sometimes we are catapulted into it or it blindsides us and those are the ones that leave us reeling for a time.  And sometimes they seem to stretch on forever.  And some do... losing a partner or a child, losing eyesight, paralysis, you name your pain...

The Valley.
The Storm.
The Harsh Winds that blow.

Situations. Valleys. That are forever etched in our hearts and lives leave us gasping and trying to find shelter.  It covers the path and we may find ourselves groping along and wondering who in the world is with us or even cares.  Even, where is my Abba Father??

How do we live in the midst of it all? 

Jennifer Rothschild wrote these words... "Even when we have faith, it's easy to feel fear when the shadows of uncertainty get thick. But, even though fear and faith can share the same heartbeat, they don't share the same perspective. That's why we need the faith perspective when it comes to our valleys. Fear focuses on the shadows. Faith focuses on the Shepherd.

Sister, even the darkest valleys aren't so dark when God is with us. He is light and His Word is a light to our paths. So ask Him for faith, and stay in His Word. When you do, your perspective will begin to change, your faith will grow, and you will see light even when your valley is dark."
"When you can't change your valley, change your perspective."

The time was right and those words penetrated my weary and faltering heart.  I still wasn't sure what to do with those words, but the Lord used them to paint a picture. (I think in pictures and analogies...)

In the valley there are stones, rough patches, but there are also flowers, ferns; maybe a brook running through and even a butterfly.  Some days the sun shines and I feel the warmth penetrate my body and I feel warm.  Other days the winds blow and I search for shelter, a place of  refuge and I huddle.

I felt the whisper deep in my heart... it all depends on what you want to focus on.  In the valley there are both... the hard and the joys.

To live one must grieve.  And to focus on the joys is not a denial of the hard.  And when you grieve the hard stuff... whatever you are facing... it frees you to live.

Romans 8:26 ... but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;

Psalm 126:5-6  Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

Another picture I had was of stones...

I kept stumbling over the disappointments, the being misunderstood, the losses, and the pain and I saw them as stones (because that's what often trips us up) and some even felt like a boulder (because some are so big and heavy we feel crushed beneath the weight of pain and we can't see beyond it for the moment).  I kept stubbing my toes on them and not being able to see past others, and then...

I use stones in my flower beds as accents, so I felt the Lord 'whisper' move those stones to a place where they will be an accent and not a stumbling stone.  Someone even used the boulder as a landmark.

Romans 8:28  And all things work together for good to those who love God.

I wonder how it was put there.... I'm sure no man lifted it and set it there.  There was another force, another help to place it there.  I wonder if that can be the mountain that is moved by prayer and fasting???  Matthew 17:20-21 
All I know is that there are some pain and hard that healing really is only possible because of Jesus.

There is a way to live when one is so broken.  It is not to deny what is but it is to focus on what also is.
It is not to deny or stuff what hurts or is hard but the other side of the coin is the joys and beauty that is also present.  We get to choose what we focus on and to live the dance of the hard and the broken with the beauty and joys that are also present.

Ahh...  a strong breeze of hope swept over my soul and anchored it in the knowledge of God's love for me.  All the time.

Hope.
The Breath of Fresh Air.

Many times I felt as if God was in the room but not with me or near me.  God has given me the picture of a sheep huddled in a crevice or cave and He/Jesus is standing outside the doorway, protecting, seeing, while healing or quiet was happening inside... inside my heart.  Even though all I could see and feel was my pain and tears.  The aloneness and questions haunted my days. 

But like they say, hindsight is 20/20 or at least closer to that.  I am seeing God's presence framing the doorway as love.  His protection as a gift.  My heart swells with the confidence that He loves. Me.

One of Jesus' many promises....
Isaiah 43:1-3  ... Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and through the waters, they will not overflow (overwhelm) you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.  For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel your Saviour;

God be with, dear reader.  God IS with you whether you feel it or not.  I am saying it for you just in case your faith is weak.  And if it's strong, go forth and walk in that confidence.

Pain and It's Complexities

This is a confession post, as well as putting into writing (for my benefit and for you if you want to listen in).

There is something I have always known but have learned in a deeper way... I HATE PAIN.  I want to run FAR away and in the opposite direction, actually only take a quarter of a turn because if I run far enough I'll come around to the same spot, that is if it's a circle.  But you  know, that's really what life is... a circle.

We've heard the saying, 'we've come full circle'.

No, seriously, one thing I've learned since living with chronic lyme and all the pain scenarios that are linked to that, is ... I WANT IT TO GO AWAY!  I want to be all better.

But reality is, it doesn't and I'm not all better.
Yes, it gets less intense, but nevertheless it still is, in some form, always something I deal whether physically or mentally.

And I'm realizing that I really do want to AVOID any long term pain.  I don't know what to do with it because I guess I lean towards being a fixer.  In my mind if something is broken, if possible, fix it.

Ok.  Enough of that.

So, of course I've been mulling on that and asking God how do I live with chronic symptoms.  And just to fill you in, my brain is greatly affected by the lyme disease; like my thought processes, how much I can do at a given time or even absorb, multi-tasking is most of the time not an option, and grocery shopping stretches me to the limit.

So, put faith in the picture, well, let's just say that is a challenge for me to make/feel connections a lot of the time.  But anyhow, back to my question... how do I live with chronic symptoms that don't go away??

I felt the whisper in my heart....
~ One day at a time.  One day at a time.
Not the whole week and sometimes not even the whole day.

~ Focus on what needs to be done, right now.

~ And someone shared ... take care of your family, save yourself for them. And so I remember that when I have nothing left for those outside my family.  And there are many times this reality is hard.

~ Then there are times and moments when I need to shift focus... to shift my focus from the obvious brokenness to resting in the promise that God redeems and He has a good plan (even when it doesn't seem like it). And to focus on Him and His strength for the moments that need to be done when I'm about to become undone (and sometimes I do 😉).
What you focus on is where you go or what you become.

And then, there is the pain.  Pain of heart and/or body.

Pain has been said to make one bitter or better.  We can let pain work its work in our hearts or run from it.  I personally don't like this agent and yet...

Here are a few of my musings...

~ Pain makes me more aware of what is going on around me.  If I allow it, it softens me to be kinder to those who are struggling.  It reminds to be gentle when someone is hurting.  I am reminded that a lot of times there is more going on beneath the surface of one's exterior, so be thoughtful.  I learn gratefulness isn't dependent on all things going well.  And like in winter, finding the beauty among the bareness that surrounds us.

   It's easy to say God is good when a prayer is answered, a pain or heartache is alleviated, but what about the times when it's not taken away or a loved one dies in spite of the many prayers being offered to the heart of God... is He still good???
   Yes, He is.  One just needs to look at a different place.  In a different spot.  It's a letting go of what I longed for, to accept and embrace what is.

~ It seems that when all is going good and flowing smoothly, I soon make idols.  I want to camp in this spot or I soon forget.  I so quickly want to hang on to these moments.   Oh, I wish it wouldn't be this way.  But somehow the idols make us harder to what is really good in ways that pain doesn't.

~Yes, pain can harden our hearts, but I find it's only when I shut down or make vows to protect my heart.  When I choose to accept and yes, sometimes embrace what I want to change or go away,  I soften.  I become more alive and vulnerable.
  But that's where I stumble at times, because being vulnerable opens me up to not only receiving life and grace and being alive, it opens me up to being more aware of pain and hurt and even receiving more pain and hurt.

~ Here is a quote from a once eight year old Florida girl ---  "'Good is good and bad is good, too.'  (Bad seems bad, but if you can hang on long enough and if you can just trust Jesus, then you'll get through it and your faith will be so much stronger.  Then the bad stuff makes good stuff in your heart.)"

~ And I'm reminded, because I wrote the words down, as it's not easy to remember this when you're in the middle of hard, of the song Laura Story wrote,
                                                                Blessings
     What if Your blessings come through raindrops?  What if Your healing comes through tears?  And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?  And what if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?
   This is only the chorus.  Go find the song and listen to it.  It is so full of calling us to something more.  To looking for something else when we want something different, something that most likely is what we really need.
 
~ I want to make a statement here....  finding something more or even seeing the good in the middle of pain comes only when you're ready for the next step.  It's hard to grasp or even see anything other than pain and loss when the pain is fresh.  So if you're in the fresh pain stage don't berate yourself or be too hard on yourself, lay this thought aside, but just know that sometime you'll be ready to look.

~ And those hard questions that we'd like clarity for...
Those times when what is happening makes little to no sense...
I'm learning anew to rest in the truth that God sees it all and He understands. I look forward to the day when I enter heaven and will be in the presence of God my Father and I can talk with Him and I believe it will all make sense.  But for now,  I see through a glass darkly...  I Corinthians 13:12

Wow!  I said this was for my benefit... I come to this point and am challenged, convicted, and encouraged to press on.  To embrace the agent, pain, for what it is and all that it brings and to trust the heart of my Father God to hold me gently while I walk the path on this earth and to trust Him that He will see me safely home.  And while I'm walking this path to look for Him in all the moments, whether good or bad and to BELIEVE HIM when He says, He works all things together for good.  Romans 8:28

~ The following pictures were taken by Martha Schwartz as she took a walk.  She doesn't like the brown of winter, it looks too drab; but on this one morning she decided to look for beauty and beauty she found.  So, we too, if we look for the nuggets of God's grace and His love  and goodness,  we will find it.

Whitespace for the Soul So We can Hear and See Something More

I will make a grand statement and include you in the fact that our lives can be so full.

Full of good things.  Things we do for others
Full of things pushed upon us that maybe we wouldn't choose to do or maybe we have to do because of circumstances.
Full of the mundane things that need to be done.
Full of...

When an artist paints a picture they often leave an empty space called whitespace.  Whitespace creates a place for the eye to rest as it views the picture.  It's empty.

When life is full, when there is constant activity, we really have no room to absorb the things that bring rest or soothe our soul.

How do we rest or create whitespace in the middle of all the demands and things that cry for our attention?
Our children, the little ones who need the constant physical care and the older ones who need guidance whether they want it or not. :)
Our jobs, that provides the needed income to provide for our family's needs.
Our relationships, that we want to nurture and care for.
Maybe you or a family member have a physical condition that requires a lot of doctoring and attention.
The ones who are lonely or discouraged and we want to care for them.
And the list goes on of things to do.

There is a time and place for specific time outs of rest.  Times when there's quiet and an atmosphere that refreshes our souls.

But then there are times when we need to pause, right in the middle of all the demands and to-do-lists, and quiet our hearts and inhale God's Greater Truths that refresh and upright our hearts.

So, take a moment and scroll through these pictures... Whitespace.  Space to breathe.  Breathe in  and allow them to refresh your souls...

Whitespace... creates a space where we exhale.  We let go.  And then that space can be free to see what really matters.  What really is important.

And sometimes a snow day forces you to do just that.  To let go of all the plans for that day and adjust.  To breathe in.  To reset.

It takes courage to enter a whitespace.  To let go to see something more.  Go ahead.  Be brave.
Be intentional as you go about your day to take those moments that come your way.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.
Breathe in God's peace.  Breathe out stress.
Breathe in God's love.  Breathe out those lies.
Breathe in...  Breathe out....

Seeds of Miracles and Belief

Seeds are miracles waiting to happen... is a saying I found awhile ago. And it immediately spoke to me, breathing hope. Hope.  And with hope comes anticipation.  Life buried in the dirt.

I cut it out and put it on my refrigerator and it's a ready reminder; reminding me of just that - Hope. Anticipation.  Life that is sometimes buried in the middle of hard things.

The job we were excited to get and didn't.
The endless years of being in a place when you'd rather not be in it.
The misunderstandings... rejections... in relationships.
The child who requires much of your energies.
And the list is endless.  The hard things.  The disappointment that life isn't looking like I thought it would.

And with it, buried in the middle of hard things, we sometimes lose our way.  Our footing becomes unclear.  The waters become murky.

And I don't always get it or sometimes in the hard moments, in the moments when I feel so weak and broken; I confess it's even hard to believe.  To believe Truth.

But maybe... and what if, like Lysa TerKeurst says, what if the very hard thing we'd rather not have is the very thing that leads us to life and God, Himself?? (I'll put this little plug in for her book... "It's Not Supposed to be This Way" is an excellent read if you find yourself in the middle of murky life.)

Jesus hates unbelief.  It keeps us from believing His Truth.  He is Truth and so it keeps us from Him.
There are many times Jesus either said a person was healed because of their faith or belief or He said because of their unbelief they did not receive the healing or like the Israelites, they could not enter the Promised Land.
And so it makes sense when He tells us that without faith it is impossible to please Him.

In John 1:12, John says " But as many as received Him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, [even] to them that believe on His name.
Romans 10:9 says, "believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead and thou shalt be saved."

Believe.
Webster's definition is: to take as true, real.  to have confidence in a statement or promise of another person.

Jesus is a person that we can have confidence in.  He is one who never changes and really has our good in mind.

It's just we don't always see it that way.
And sometimes.... what if that believing is so weak?

What does that mean when you're in the middle of pain and the hard happenings of life?  How do we live that out when the path is murky and even feels like quicksand?

One evening the disciples were on the waters of the Sea of Galilee and a storm popped up.  It was hard to row the boat.  To keep it afloat.
Then suddenly they saw a figure walking on the waters and were terrified, thinking it was a ghost!  They cried out in fear but immediately Jesus spoke to them, "Take heart, it is I.  Do not be afraid."

And one daring soul cried out, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."  Jesus says, "Come."

Peter got out of the boat, walked on the water, and came to Jesus.

But then something happened.
He took his eyes off of Jesus and saw the wind and began to sink.

When you and I take our eyes off of Jesus, we sink.
When we see the storm instead of seeing Jesus, we fear.

But look next to what Peter did.
He cried out, "Lord, save me."
(Matthew 14:22-33)

Those words Jesus told the disciples, "Take heart, it is I.  Do not be afraid." are for you and I as well.  Peter was not walking on calm waters.  They were still raging.  It wasn't until Jesus stepped into the boat that the wind ceased.

There was a father who had a son who had a dumb spirit and it would cause him to foam and gnash his teeth, etc. When this father met Jesus, he asked Him to heal his son.  And Jesus replied, "If you can, all things are possible to him who believes."
The father's reply was, "I do believe, help my unbelief!"
(Mark 9:17-27)

In those moments when we falter we can cry out, "Lord, save me!" or "I do believe, help my unbelief."
And on a personal note... sometimes it goes so far as "Lord, help me to believe and help my unbelief."

And Jesus shows up.  He reaches out.
It's not always on my timetable, but He comes.  And when it's not right away, I choose to believe and to wait on Him, believing He will make good out of all things.

So, it boils down to how we view God and what we believe about His heart.

To have confidence in God while life throws those hard curves our way means I must keep my focus on Him as Peter did when he stepped out onto the raging waters.

But sometimes my eyes shift away and I go down...
I then, can cry out, "Lord, save me!"

We really have two choices of belief... what makes sense and what we can see and taking our own control or choosing to trust the heart of God and to believe it is good, even when the path right now makes no sense and we're not sure how to take the next step.

The past year and half has been a murky path for me.  A path in which I've lost my way and been wandering around in circles, even taking a plop on the side, wanting to give up.

Jesus says in Matthew 13:31 that the kingdom of heaven is like a grain of mustard seed.  And in Luke 13:19 the grain of mustard seed grew and birds found refuge in its branches.

Psalm 31:24  Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!
39:7 "And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?  My hope is in You."

As the new year of 2019 has begun, those seeds are there....
And so, I choose to believe and to wait.  Wait on the Lord, for He is Life.  He is Truth.  And He is the Way.

He is our Hope.
He is my Hope.

Right now.  Right in the middle of hard stuff.
Right now.  Right now, even in the middle of joys and mountaintop moments.

Walking through these moments requires me to keep my focus on Him.

God. Immanuel.
He is with us.

Perspective - The Seesaw of Life

                                    

I was in conversation with a friend and we were sharing bits and pieces of our lives and the people in it.  She was sharing how one of her loved ones struggles with believing God's goodness, feeling like God snatches away the carrot just as he reaches for it.

And I commented how I, too, get that .... struggling/wrestling to believe.  To believe Jeremiah 29:11 where God tells us , "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper and not to harm...."

She comments about an illustration that she saw...
... A woman was grabbed by a man out of her car.  People gasp thinking she is being abducted only to realize that her car was burning.  What looked like in a moment to be a bad or negative action was actually one of a saving, heroic action...

And isn't that how many of our happenings are in our life??  In the moment it feels hard.  Painful.  We get angry.... Why, did God allow....??  Why, did this happen...?  Why...?
Later, in hindsight we see how the negative actually has a positive and a good, saving, and yes, heroic action in it.

Picture a seesaw, one of those childhood toys that children love to play on at a park...

It takes two.  Two people.  It works best when the weight is evenly distributed.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

And...
The one with the most weight, wins.  I remember the triumphant feeling of holding another person in the air.  And watching my boys when they were small struggle to keep someone up, calling "Mom, help me."  Or, holding on to blades of grass or shifting weight only to try to win by keeping someone floundering high in the air.

And when we're the one in the winning seat, our view is upward.  Maybe, just maybe that is the key... an upward focus in the middle of life and all that goes with it...

Life is like a seesaw.  There are TWO 'people' that play a part of our life's story.

Joy/Peace. Hard/Pain/Sorrow.

On one seat we have joy and good times.  The moments when our hearts soar with connection to God and others.  We feel like we had something to offer this time.  It feels like a time of summer.  Productivity.

On the other seat.we have sorrow.  The hard times when we feel weak or death has entered our door, calling a loved one for eternity.  We may wonder if God is really there or if He still loves us.  There's the pain of failing health, accidents, relationships gone awry, rejection, worrying about ( ) and .... you fill in the blank.

Life is a mixture of joy and sorrow.  It's what's woven into the fabric of life.

The past months I have felt the weight of pain and weariness.  It has held my joy and peace high in the air, floundering, until I thought it might fall off the seat.  I prayed.  Asking God to help and yet even believing in that was swallowed up in the weight of what was bogging my soul.

What do you do when it feels like your strength to  believe is so weak?  When it feels like you can't take another step of faith...

We have those days, maybe months sometimes.

One of my favourite passages comes to mind of the paralytic man who physically could not go to Jesus.  And four of his friends have a belief and a strength and each grip a corner of his pallet and CARRY HIM TO JESUS.

Sometimes we need to be carried. to. Jesus.
Sometimes we need someone to intercede for us when our faith or strength is weak.

So, today, I am thankful for other ladies.  Ladies who have whispered and breathed  a gentle wisp of hope in my heart.  Like my sons calling for mom to come and help them hold the other person up as they sat on the seat of a seesaw; I too, felt like I was calling for help to win.

Life is a lot of perspective.  It's been said many times that a situation is 10% what happened and 90% attitude.

And sometimes, we lose perspective, losing our way, to joy and peace, and it may take another person to breathe those wisps of hope into our hearts.

 Another thing I am grateful for is the many articles, books, and personal stories that many have shared because they have mentored me and breathed life and hope when I was struggling to believe.

Our stories matter.  And when shared, some day, they will touch a life and it may be just what was needed to encourage  another's soul.

And I realize that my prayer for help was answered and when I felt disconnected from God and wondered if He still loves me... He did.  He was not looking at me with disdain.

GOD IS WITH YOU, TOO!

That's God.

Taking our stories and using them for His glory.